


Ohmwrecker Unmasked

by JelloPuddinPops



Category: Banana Bus Squad, Real Person Fiction
Genre: First Meetings, Friendship, Gen, Insecurity, Light Angst, Stress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-02-22 10:24:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13164960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JelloPuddinPops/pseuds/JelloPuddinPops
Summary: Ohm has had enough of missing out on E3 every year and decides to go undercover without telling any of his friends. Things spiral out of control and Ohm is forced to face some of his personal issues that he can no longer hide away behind his mask of anonymity.





	1. Chapter 1

Ohm had just spent the past few hours at E3. He was exhausted from all of the walking around and standing in lines, but he had really enjoyed seeing all the panels and events, and had spent a good amount of time trying out some of the newer games. A couple really stood out and he was looking forward to play them for his channel. 

He pushed the doors opened and smiled at the streets that were full of laughter, chatter, and people going in and out of the convention center. The sun was getting lower in the sky, but there was no shortage of bustling life in this part of the city. Though he suspected that downtown Los Angeles was rarely very quiet. 

There were people with all kinds of merch and cool shirts from various video games. Ohm loved the positive atmosphere, but at the same time it made him feel a little lonely to be one of the few without a group. 

Ohm suddenly noticed a rumbling in his stomach. With all the excitement, he hadn’t noticed that he hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast. This happened to him whenever he was really focused on something. He could get so involved in a game or a project that he would forget to pee, eat, or sleep for hours on end. As soon as he finished whatever he was doing, the need to hit him all at once.

He strolled briskly along the streets, looking for any restaurants that looked good. On his way, he passed a seafood joint and scrunched his nose, much preferring land-meat. 

On his way he noticed a couple walking a white dog with a blue collar down the street. He thought of Buddy, staying at a sitter's house at home. He couldn’t wait for Sunday, when he’d go back. First thing he’d do is hug Buddy, walk him, and feed him. For now though, he needed to worry about feeding himself.

Finally, he decided on a nice looking bar and grill and stepped inside. As soon as he opened the door, he was confronted with loud ambient noise from the patrons of the restaurant, who were crowded into the various tables and booths. It seemed like he wasn’t the only one who had the idea to grab dinner after the convention.

He heard forks clattering against plates and hear the hissing sounds of the grill coming from the kitchen. The smell was heavenly, and Ohm knew from the moment he walked in he had chosen the right restaurant.

“Excuse me!” he called out, and the slightly stressed looking waitress came over to greet him. “Do you guys still have any room?”

“Sure thing! Unfortunately, all of our tables are full. Is the bar okay?” she asked, giving Ohm a smile. 

“Yeah, that’s fine.” he nodded and followed her to a stool at the end of the bar. He was right next to the small hallway that lead to both the kitchen and the bathrooms, but he didn’t mind. While he was looking over the menu, the bartender rushed over.

“Can I get you a drink while you’re deciding, sir?"

“Yeah, thanks, I’ll have an iced tea. Wait, actually…” Ohm smirked a bit, “a lemonade, please.”

A few minutes later, as he was sipping on his cool drink and waiting for his bacon cheeseburger, his thoughts travelled back to the convention. A couple of weeks ago, he was super anxious and almost decided not to go, like every other year.

He thought he never would feel comfortable going to an event like that, where there was the possibility of being recognised. He stressed over the decision for a couple of days, before finally buying the tickets on a whim.

When he first arrived at E3, he was paranoid of everyone around him. Hyper-aware of anyone that glanced his way, or any time he had to talk to someone. After a little while though, he started to relax. He blended into the crowds, never standing out, never being recognised, and it was all a wonderful experience. 

The only damper on the day, was knowing some of his friends were there as well. He felt really bad for having gone without telling any of them. 

At one point, he heared the unmistakable laughs of Moo and Wildcat and had pulled up his hood and started walking in the opposite direction. Though he didn’t want them to see his face, a part of him really wanted to hang out with them in real life. He had considered wearing a mask and going together with them, but he felt like that would be even more rude than not seeing them at all.

His burger finally arrived, which distracted him from his previous train of thought. He perked up, and started hungrily munching away. He was looking forward to getting back home, petting his dog and maybe playing some Fortnite or some Rainbow Six Siege. He was also contemplating streaming something on Twitch, maybe SOS? Time passed quickly as he ate and Ohm let his mind wander.

A while later, Ohm finished his food, paid and got up to leave. He had taken his time eating and the restaurant had cleared out substantially. Many of the tables were empty and there was just a couple of older people who most likely didn’t come from the convention.

There was one table near the window, however, that was completely full with a group of guys that looked to be from their mid twenties to early thirties. All of the laughter and screaming seemed to be coming from the one table. Ohm noticed their all of their bags of merch and deduced they were from E3. He glanced up at one of their faces and accidentally caught his eyes. 

Wait. Didn’t he know that face? Was that… Moo?

“Oh shit” Ohm muttered. His eyes darted to the others at the table, and his face went pale. Cartoonz, Basically, Wildcat, Nogla, Vanoss, and Mini were all sitting right there, laughing away and chatting about who knows what. 

Ohm could feel the panic setting in and it must have shown on his face because when he looked back at Moo, who had noticed his staring, he saw a worried expression on his face. Moo started to stand up, presumably to ask Ohm if he was feeling alright. Ohm did the only thing he could think of. 

He ran. He sprinted out of the restaurant, slamming the door open and zipping away, quick as a hare. Once he was outside and on the other side of the street he paused, looking back, only to find Moo looking out the window at him with a baffled expression. Ohm turned away and sped off.

A couple of blocks down, he slowed to a walk. He tried to control his wild breathing, which was more from the fear of being recognised than the running he’d just done. Once he’d calmed down, he slapped a palm against his forehead. Why in the world had he done that?

He could have easily calmly walked out and nobody would have questioned it, but his stupid paranoia made him draw even more attention and suspicion onto himself. He looked up towards the setting sun and decided to turn in early for the night. 

He really didn’t want to be in public right now. 

He unlocked the door to his hotel room and stepped inside. After flipping a switch, the room was engulfed in yellow lights that let out a dull buzz every couple of seconds. The bedsheets had a strange brown colour and the carpet was an uneven grey that looked like it was supposed to be white. There was a few cobwebs strung from the ceiling and he noticed a couple of suspicious stains on the wall. Ohm frowned at the state of it.

Last night, after he had flown in, he hadn’t really cared at how shabby the room was. After all, he had waited a little too long to look for a room, and with E3 going on the options were slim. Besides, he arrived late last night, so he only really had time to sleep. 

He’d seen photos of what the hotel rooms of his friends looked like and he couldn’t help but feel regretful. If he’d been honest with them about going to E3 in the first place, he’d probably be staying with all of them. Right now, he’d probably be back at the restaurant. Ordering food, getting drunk, and having fun. 

Ohm decided he should calm down a little, and went into the bathroom for a relaxing shower. As he was taking off his clothes, he caught a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror. He walked closer to it to take a closer look at himself.

He’d obviously seen his own face many times, but he’d never really examined it. Given the recent close call, however, he felt compelled to really study his face. He looked closely at his features. Hazel eyes with flecks of green and blue, a slightly hooked nose, brown hair and a neatly trimmed beard. Ohm realised something.

He just looked... normal. He looked fine. So why had he tried so hard to hide himself? Would it really be so bad if this was the face that his friends connected with Ohmwrecker? He sighed, turning away from his reflection. He grabbed one of the towels the hotel had provided and draped it across the mirror.

He stepped into the shower and let the hot water cascade over him. After he washed his hair and cleaned the sweat and dirt away, he just stood there, letting the steam waft over him. 

“Fuck!” he shouted as suddenly, the hot water turned icy cold, nearly making him jump out of his skin. He quickly turned off the water and dried himself. Stupid two star hotel. 

After brushing his teeth, dressing in some jammies and putting on his grey bunny slippers, he plugged in his laptop and sat down at the wooden desk in the corner of the room. He glanced dubiously at the ‘I EAT ASS’ that had been carved into the wood, and opened his laptop. 

He figured that he could watch a couple of his friends’ new videos before he went to sleep, but the moment that his mouse hovered over the internet icon, all of the lights in the hotel turned off and his computer screen went black. He blinked at the sudden worsening of the specks that filled his vision, and his eyes slowly adjusted.

“What the fuck is this bullshit?!” He exclaimed, slamming his fist onto the desk, right on the ‘I EAT ASS’. He finally gave in and decided to just go to sleep. He crawled into the bed, trying his best to stay under the sheets and not touch the suspicious brown comforter. He had just found a comfortable position when the yellow light flickered back on. 

A vein pulsed by his temple and he gritted his teeth. Flying out of the bed, his fist slammed against the lightswitch, sending the room back into darkness. Ohm tucked himself in one last time, holding his hand that was tingling from the impact. 

He closed his eyes and frowned at the snow that filled the darkness. He pursed his lips, wishing he was at home, snuggled in his fluffy blankets, hugging Buddy, and having everything set up the way he needed it to be. Why was it so impossible to hang out with his own friends? Why did it feel like he was desperately trying to be alone?

He’d always been alone. Ever since his parents… ever since he was a teenager… he hated this shitty room and this shitty situation. He hated how anxious he felt.

Ohm felt himself get uncomfortably hot with anxiety but didn’t have the energy to move to a more comfortable position. This was all a mistake. 

He finally fell asleep with a frown on his face.

He woke up late the next day and he felt more tired than he had before sleeping. The comforter had ended up on the floor and Ohm was tangled up in the bedsheets. His back and neck were sore and a light bruising had formed on his knuckles. It wasn’t proving to be that good of a trip after all. As Ohm rubbed at the knots in his shoulders, he contemplated the events of the previous day.

It had started so well. Ohm had thought that going out in the open and not letting his fear keep him from going to events every once in awhile, meant that he was being braver. Facing his fears. 

Now, Ohm wasn’t so sure. If he were really making an effort towards being more comfortable not hiding his face, he wouldn’t have reacted the way he did when he ran into his friends. He winced as he remembered the encounter with Moo. 

What kind of friend would choose to run away instead of talking to one of his best friends?

Ohm’s reluctance to go out in public was outweighed by his desire to get out of this cramped and dirty hotel room. He figured he should get over his bout of mild self loathing and get some fresh air. 

What he actually wanted was to go home where he never had to worry about this kind of thing, but his flight still wasn’t for another two days.

Ohm dressed for the day in a yellow ‘Stank’ t-shirt and black sweatpants. He was about to leave, when he noticed his grey hoodie, still hung in the closet. Whenever Ohm was anxious or didn’t want anyone to see him, that hoodie had been his saving grace. With his hood on, pulled over his face, he slipped into the anonymity that he so desperately craved. 

Ohm left the hoodie where it was in the closet and started walking down the streets. It was too hot out for that kind of thing. At least, that’s what he told himself. 

Ohm walked along the streets, not entirely sure where he was going. He was determined to have a good day. He figured, with how horrible his luck had been the previous day, it was impossible that it could get any worse. 

He stopped in a cafe for some late breakfast and a coffee. There was complimentary breakfast back at the hotel, but Ohm wasn’t trying to ruin the rest of his trip by getting food poisoning. He frowned at his bitter drink, but went through it anyway, hoping to make up for his horrible sleep with a little extra energy. 

After he’d eaten, he went outside and walked around. The coffee had taken the edge off of his fatigue, so he was able to spend some time just working the grid of the city. He enjoyed the feeling of the sun on his face and allowed himself to get lost in the bustling crowds. He shut off his mind and spent a long time enjoying the sights.

The sun was starting to sag a little lower and Ohm’s feet were getting tired of walking. A flashing light from across the street caught Ohm’s attention, and he turned to find something that put a smile on his face. An arcade. His spirits lifted as he stepped inside. 

There were all sorts of old fashioned style games lined up in rows. The establishment was mostly empty as it was still rather early. Ohm got himself a hefty amount of tokens and set towards the machines. 

There was Frogger, Space Invaders, Super Mario Brothers, Pac Man, Donkey Kong, Centipede, Galaga, and more. Ohm smirked at the Duck Hunt game, keen on playing it after experiencing the awesome VR horror version. He settled on starting up with Galaga and going from there. 

Ohm got completely absorbed in the game. It was always nice to play old fashioned games in an actual arcade, way better than the computer versions you could find online. 

There was just something about the angled screen, the awesome artwork on the sides of the machines, the giant buttons, the sound effects, having to stand up. It was really involved. This was exactly what Ohm had needed. A distraction, something he could put all of his concentration into. 

A few minutes had gone by when Ohm was overwhelmed with the amount of enemies and shots that were flying towards him and he lost his last life. He ended up with a score of 47,520. He felt pretty proud of it, considering it was his first try, until he glanced up at the current high score. 384,560. Someone must have spent hours! 

Ohm frowned and his competitive nature made him want to keep trying. He played Galaga a couple more times, then decided to move on after getting a score of 58,740. 

After testing out a variety of games, Ohm settled on Super Mario Brothers. He remembered the maps pretty well, so he was able to immediately spring to action and begin clearing levels. 

As Mario sent the red shell hurtling towards two defenseless goombas, Ohm thought of playing Mario Kart. He smiled fondly, remembering those races and of all the jokes and anger that had ensued when he’d played with the guys. Ohm’s smile faltered.

The guys. The guys he’d avoided and been dishonest with. Would they still want to record with him if they found out?

Ohm shook his head, and shoved those thoughts aside. He turned his full attention to the tiny plumber before him and began powering through levels. 

Ohm half-noticed more people coming into the arcade, but he was too busy trying to make sure Mario got through every level alive. He had no idea how much time had passed but he finally died. 

“Fuck!” he shouted, but it was barely audible over the groans and cries that came from behind him. He spun around to find a group of strangers had accumulated behind him, apparently very invested in his game.

The arcade had really filled up while Ohm wasn’t looking. The windows show that the sun had recently set.

“Good shit, man.” one of them said, clapping him on the back.

“Thanks, man. I didn’t notice people were watching.” Ohm said, turning towards him. Ohm’s eyes widened. No fucking way.

“Wait, I know that voice. Are you...?” Cartoonz asked in a quiet voice, astonished. 

Ohm tried to stammer out an answer but was overcome with anxiety and dread. He just stood there dumbly trying to figure out what to do.

Suddenly, Ohm darted away towards the bathrooms at the back of the arcade. He slammed open the door to the men’s room, locked himself in one of the stalls, and covered his face with his hands. 

“Shit!” he exclaimed, and took a moment to breathe. 

Cartoonz had seen him. He’d recognised him. Of course Cartoonz would know his voice instantly, with how often they recorded together. 

Ohm’s mind spun as he worried about what Cartoonz might be thinking. He probably thought he was strange. He probably felt betrayed that Ohm had gone to E3 without telling them. 

Ohm felt hollow, and he knew it wasn’t just because breakfast was a while ago. Rubbing his temples, he sat down on the closed lid of the toilet.

A few minutes later, the sound of the door opening wafted through the relatively quiet bathroom and Ohm cringed.

“Ohm?” came the still shocked voice of Cartoonz.

He winced and pinched his eyes shut, taking a moment to breathe. “Nope!” he said, in a falsely deep voice, “No Ohms here.”

There was a moment of silence, then he heard the sound of buttons being pressed on a phone. Adrenaline flashed through Ohm as he realised what Cartoonz was doing. 

He struggled to pull his cell phone out of his pocket and silence it in time, but before he could even type in his password, “Oh ho ho it’s magic!” came blaring out of the built in speaker. Unsurprisingly the caller ID read ‘Luke Patterson’. He hung up as quickly as he could, but he knew that it was too late. Cartoonz knew.

“Ohm?” Cartoonz asked again.

Ohm didn’t answer. Hoping that Cartoonz would just forget the whole thing and go away. He didn’t dare respond, knowing his own voice would betray him and confirm his identity.

“You know, Ohm,” Cartoonz said, “you ain’t gotta worry. At least it’s only me who’s seen your face, right? Anyone else would probably take a photo and share the shit around. You know I’d never do that. None of us would. Everyone respects your privacy. Besides, I’m the only one who realized it's you.”

Ohm considered this, and Cartoonz was right. But he still couldn't get rid of the guilt he was feeling. He hated this. He hated having his best friend find him while he was feeling so vulnerable. He felt like a little kid who’d been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

Why couldn’t he have just stayed home? 

“C-Cartoonz?”

“Yeah Ohm?”

“Are you disappointed?” 

“Disa… the fuck you talking about Ohm?” Cartoonz demanded, seemingly offended, “You really think I’m so damn shallow that seeing your face would change anything? That’s bullshit!”

Ohm blinked at this. It was a stupid question when Cartoonz put it like that. Ohm ran a hand through his hair and sighed, deciding to explain himself. 

“Look, I… I didn’t show my face on YouTube because I didn’t want my content to depend on it. I wanted people to watch my channel for my personality and my gameplay, not whatever face I’m making or how I look.” Ohm paused, licking his lips, “Overtime, more and more people were wondering how I looked, demanding a face reveal. There was so much pressure and so much speculation on my appearance that I guess… I guess I didn’t think my real face would meet people’s expectations.” 

“Ohm, you know tha-”

“Let me finish Cartoonz.” Ohm interrupted, “As I started becoming friends with you guys, playing games together, getting to know each other, I really grew to value you guys’ opinions. I became even more scared of you seeing me than of my fans.” 

Cartoonz was silent. 

“I just don’t want you guys to hate me. I know I’m being a dick, not telling you guys I was coming, avoiding you, and never trying to visit but-”

“Ohm,” Cartoonz interjected, “I do wish you’d’ve told me you were gonna be here, but I understand, man. I’d never hate you. None of us would.”

“Really?”

“Of course Ohm! We’re damn friends!” Cartoonz said, "You know, Ohm, we’re all here, in person. You never know when you might get this chance again. You might as well make use of it. Come hang out with us, man.”

“What!” Ohm exclaimed, “Cartoonz have you been listening to what I’m sayin’?”

“Ohm, all I know is you ain’t got nothing to worry about. Think about it, Ohm, we’re your friends! You said it yourself, we’ve all spent hours playing games, talking to each other, and we all already like you. You don’t need to be worryin’ about any-damn-body being disappointed. The only thing they might be concerned about is how you went runnin’ off like that. They might be thinkin’ you got the shits.” 

“But… you’re the only one who knows it’s me right? Maybe I could just leave.”

“Yeah, but they’ve probably already seen your face while you were playin’ Mario. If you keep pretending you’re somebody else now, you’ll just be lyin’ to em, and they’ll know you were lyin’ to them if you ever decide you want to show your face to them in the future.”

Ohm was silent at this.

“Listen to me man, unless you’re jerkin’ off in there you ain’t got no excuse to be hoggin’ up that stall from somebody else who might need to actually take a shit. Let’s hurry up and get out of here.” Cartoonz said.

Ohm slowly stood up and put his fingers on the lock of the door, then quickly removed them. He wished he’d taken his hoodie with him. He took a deep breath and opened the door, head down, staring at his feet.

“Really, Ohm? I told you! You have nothin’ to be worried about! Besides, I’ve already seen your face!” He points at his eyeball dramatically, “I damn seent it!”

When he didn’t say anything, Cartoonz reached over and tilted Ohm’s head upward, beyond what was normal. “Be confident, Ohm. No damn slouchin’.”

Ohm looked up sheepishly at Cartoonz. He became less and less uncomfortable with the situation as Cartoonz talked to him. It wasn’t really too different from on discord. “Okay,” he said, still with uncertainty in his voice, “Let’s go.”


	2. Chapter 2

Cartoonz walked out of the bathroom with Ohm beside him, but as they approached the guys, who were now crowded around Wildcat who was intently playing Frogger, Ohm couldn’t help but lag back slightly. It was bad enough that Cartoonz knew, but having everybody else find out all at once was not something Ohm was looking forward too. 

“Alright everybody,” Cartoonz said, clapping his hands, “let’s make room for one more.” 

“Hey,” Moo said, as everyone turned to look over. Ohm could see the recognition in his eyes, and he could tell that Moo wanted to ask about why he had run away yesterday. Thankfully, Moo didn’t say anything despite his apparent curiosity, probably not wanting to put him on the spot. 

Ohm just nodded and gave a small wave without making eye contact. Cartoonz leaned over to Ohm and asked “Do you want to tell them, or should I do it?”

“You, please.” Ohm responded quietly. He was becoming more and more nervous as it really sunk in that this was about to happen. In a few seconds, everyone of these guys would know who he is. They would see Ohm’s face for the first time. 

Cartoonz cleared his throat loudly, gaining the attention of all the YouTubers, “Guys, I’d like you to meet our good friend, for the first time in real life,” he clapped a hand on Ohm’s shoulder, “Ohmwrecker!”

“Hey guys.” he said, swallowing all the saliva that had been building up from his nerves. There was a few moments of silence and Ohm looked around at the shocked faces of the people who he’d grown to know so well over the past ten years. 

Everybody exploded into a loud chatter that resonated through the arcade. The guys were all talking over each other. 

“What the fuck?!” 

“Holy shit, dude, are you actually Ohm?!” 

“What are you doing here, man?!” 

Alongside the chatter, Moo was just staring at him with his jaw open wide, making all kinds of stupid noises of shock.

Ohm was retracting back behind Cartoonz at all of the attention. His face was getting red and he was regretting his decision to agree with this. A knot formed in his stomach that was so tight that Ohm felt like he might keel over at any second. He stared down at the neon shapes on the black carpet beneath his Yeezys. 

Ohm tensed himself in anticipation for the anger they’d surely have towards him. After all, he had gone behind their backs. He had basically betrayed them. His lip quivered as his thoughts turned to their friendships being ruined and never being able to record with them again. 

“It’s a fucking joy to see you!” Moo exclaimed and Ohm felt himself being pulled into a hug. Ohm blinked in surprise at the sudden contact. All of the worries that were flashing through his thoughts halted, and his mind was blank, trying to process what was happening. Before he could react, the hug was over. Ohm finally raised his eyes to the faces of his friends, and was met with kind and excited expressions. 

“Wait, so you mean he’s not a fockin’ rabbit?” Nogla asked, and everyone laughed.

“This isn’t damn ‘Harvey’, man.” Cartoonz chuckled.

Ohm was still nervous, but at the same time, he was extremely relieved. The sick feeling in his stomach melted away into a warmth that spread all the way to his fingertips. 

Nobody was mad at him. Nobody was disappointed.

They were acting the same way they always did every time he had talked to them before online. He couldn’t help but giggle at what an idiot he’d been, thinking that he’d have any trouble. His friends weren’t spiteful people. He felt stupid for expecting disappointment and hostility from his best friends. 

After everybody got over the initial shock of seeing him, they resumed the stupid conversations and playful banter that they’d always had during their recording sessions and Ohm fit right in. It wasn’t any different than talking to them had ever been, but it was even more fun seeing them all as it happened and being able to actually interact with them. It was surprising how quick everyone got used to him being there.

“Hey Moo,” Ohm said, while the rest of the guys were talking about some stupid shit, “about yesterday, I’m sorry for acting the way I did. I just kind of…”

“Panicked? Yeah, I was worried for a second there, with that fight or flight reaction of yours.” Moo laughed, “No need to apologise though, I get it. I mean, you saw my face reveal, right? I’m not the most comfortable showing myself to people for the first time either.”

Ohm gave a sigh of relief. “I’m glad to hear that. I wouldn’t want it be… Brock-ward between us.” 

They both giggled at the pun. Ohm noticed a certain game from the corner of his eye and smirked. 

“Hey, why don’t we play that one Moo? Golf video games are your favourite, right?”

“Shut up.” Moo muttered, and glared at the innocent arcade machine.

They did end up playing the golf game. Moo let out a loud angry “Huaaah!!” after a few minutes, and the others gravitated towards the rare sound of his pissed off voice. 

They spent just over an hour in the arcade, testing out the different games until everyone was starting to get hungry. They all walked out of the arcade onto the city streets, some a little more angry than others at the difficulty of certain games. 

“I dunno ‘bout you guys but I’m down for a steak.” Basically suggested, and everyone agreed. 

They walked over to a nice looking steakhouse down the street and went inside. There was a dull buzz of quiet chatter coming from the various tables, and a nice upbeat jazz tune playing in the background, with a lot of saxophone and drumming. 

The music and the lights hanging down from the ceiling added to the lounge-type atmosphere, and most of the other patrons looked to be dressed much nicer than their lot were.

The restaurant was pretty full, but they were lucky enough to get a table because one of the reservations didn’t show up. It was an interesting blend of fancy looking people that had come for a nice formal dinner and people from E3 in t-shirts and shorts.

All of them sat down and started immediately looking at menus. Moo was to Ohm’s right and to his left was Nogla then Basically. Across from Basically were Wildcat, Vanoss, Cartoonz and Mini.

Ohm looked over all the options and decided one of the nicer looking steaks with black peppercorn sauce, a side of vegetables, crispy onions, and mashed potatoes. 

“Hey, Ohm!” Cartoonz said from across the table, “I’d better hear you askin’ for medium rare and none of that nasty ass medium-burnt shit, alright?”

Ohm laughed and gave a little salute as he said “Yes sir! Although, I don’t know if I should trust the culinary opinions of someone who actually likes something as nasty as fuckin’ tartar sauce!”

“Hey fuck you, man!” Cartoonz laughed. 

Everyone ordered and the conversation naturally shifted.

“Yeah, It is nice to have a break from taking care of her, but at the same time I really miss her. I can’t wait to go back home and see her and Lauren.” Moo said as he sipped on his soup. 

Nogla nodded while sipping his own soup. What kind of Irishman would he be to say no to potato leek?

“I know how you feel, man.” Ohm nodded solemnly, “I’ve only been away from home for a couple of days and I’m already missing Buddy.”

“What the fuck, Ohm?” Basically laughed, “Are you comparing your fucking dog to Brock’s daughter?”

“No!” Ohm protested, a little red in the face, and the table swelled with laughter. “Well, I guess I was, but I didn’t mean it like that! I just miss him too is all! They’re bo- they’re both small, and cute...” the laughter increased. “Heheh, fuck you guys!” Ohm giggled along with them.

Ohm let his mind wander as Nogla and Wildcat began to argue who’s dogs were better. He took a deep breath as he assessed his situation. Here he was, sitting face to face with the people who had been his best friends for years, for the first time. He’d never thought this would actually happen. Not so soon at least. Was it horrible? Was it embarrassing? Maybe at first, but now… it was completely fine. He was having fun.

Ohm frowned a little. These guys had been meeting up with each other several times a year. Ohm had missed every single one. Dozens of times just like this, he’d been sitting at home by himself while his friends were having a great time together. He’d wasted so much time for no reason. Ohm pursed his lips, but his attention was brought back to the conversation as Nogla began raising his voice.

“No! Joe and Tony would kick Kino’s ass in a fight!” 

“No they fucking wouldn’t, Nogla! Are you kidding me, dude? Kino would wipe the floor with Joe and Tony! He’d fuck both of them up at the same time!”

Ohm’s stomach was growling by the time his main course was set in front of him and he didn’t waste time eating it. He sliced into his steak and Cartoonz nodded at the soft pink middle. Everything was delicious and the whole restaurant got notably quieter as their table stopped talking in favour of their meals. 

Ohm was one of the first to finish and sat there, thinking. This trip really was going well after all. He felt like a lot of the worries he’d had the previous night and even earlier that day weren’t as big of a deal anymore. He just wished he’d realised sooner that he was overthinking everything. Preferably years sooner.

“So Ohm,” Mini asked as he was finishing his own meal. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, why did you decide to show us your face? Is there an occasion?”

“Well, no. I didn’t mean to, actually. Or…” Ohm considered this, maybe he did.

He had wanted to face his fears and go to E3 for the first time, but why did that change from any other year? How come this time he was ready to go? 

Maybe it was, at least subconsciously, because he had wanted them to see him. Maybe he had just needed someone like Cartoonz to give him the final push to get enough courage to actually go through with it. 

“There’s no occasion,” Ohm finally continued, “but you guys are my friends and you deserve to know what I look like.”

Mini seemed happy with the answer and as Ohm looked around the table, so did everybody else.

As the evening dragged on, Ohm was beginning to feel really sleepy from such a big meal and such an eventful day. It didn’t help that his sleep the previous night had been less than ideal. He felt himself nodding off after a while. 

Falling asleep in a restaurant isn’t something Ohm did very often, but the fatigue, the dim lights and jazz music of the restaurant, and the peace he felt with the situation all contributed to the oncoming nap. He fell asleep, content.

“Um, Ohm?”

Ohm scrunched his nose at the sound, then relaxed. 

“Go on, then” came another voice.

“I don’t want to disturb him…”

Ohm felt his consciousness slowly coming back as the voices continued. 

“Hey, Ohm,” came a third voice. “It’s time to get going.”

Ohm felt a hand tap him on the shoulder and furrowed his brow. He peered over and noticed Cartoonz standing above him. Ohm blinked the sleep out of his eyes and he slowly woke up.

“There ya’ go, now,” Nogla said.

Ohm started to sit up, and in doing so he realised that he had been leaning on someone’s shoulder. “Sorry, Moo.”

“No worries, man. I honestly don’t mind.” Moo smiled, “Actually, ever since I became a father, I find I’ve been acting like a parent in a lot of situations. If you need a little nap, I’m fine helping out.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Ohm said, with a chuckle. Everyone left the restaurant laughing. 

“We’d better get this tired-ass little kid back to the hotel.” Wildcat laughed along the walk.

“But Ohm isn’t staying wit us, is he?” Nogla reminded him.

“He can just stay in one of our rooms, then.” Mini said, “You’ve just gotta get your things from your own hotel. We can go there first!”

“My hotel’s actually that way.” Ohm pointed, “So it’s the opposite direction from yours. I don’t want to be an inconvenience or anything.”

Cartoonz saw how disappointed Ohm looked. “You know what? You guys go get our rooms ready for one more, and I’ll go with Ohm to help get his shit and check him out of his room.”

They discussed the plan and everyone determined it to be fine. They exchanged quick goodbyes, then went their separate ways.

Ohm and Cartoonz went the short distance to Ohm’s hotel in relative silence. They came to a stop in front of the building. 

“This is it.” Ohm said, gesturing lamely to the dingy-looking building.

“It’s pretty shit.”

“Yeah.” Ohm sighed. He wasn’t looking forward to this.

They stepped inside and went up the stairs to the second floor of the shabby building. Ohm unlocked the door to his room with a small key and they both went inside.

Cartoonz looked around the room as Ohm began packing. Ohm was feeling tense. Being in this room brought back the memories of the previous night, and how shitty he had felt. Ohm glared at the lightswitch on the wall while rubbing his still-tender knuckles. Ohm was just bundling up his laptop charger to pack away into his suitcase, when he felt Cartoonz lightly tap his shoulder.

“Hey, Ohm?” Cartoonz asked.

“Huh?”

“Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, why?” Ohm said, kind of confused. He looked over at Cartoonz and followed his eyes. The bathroom? Ohm stood up and walked over with Cartoonz. He looked into the room. 

Oh. Ohm cringed as he saw the mirror which still had the towel covering it. Fuck. He’d forgotten about that. Last night, he’d been in such a state that he didn’t want to see himself, in more ways than one. His ears burned a little in shame that Cartoonz had seen this part of him.

“Oh, that?” Ohm shrugged nonchalantly, “I didn’t want the steam to cloud it up while I was showering.”

Cartoonz didn’t look convinced, but didn’t say anything as Ohm took the towel down and set it down, folded, on the counter. 

Ohm went back to packing up the last of his things. Cartoonz was silently leaning on the door with his arms folded. His eyes drifted over to the bed, which was way more wrinkled than it should after any peaceful sleep.

“I can see why you were falling asleep in the restaurant.” Cartoonz spoke up, “Do you always sleep so violently?”

Ohm ran a hand nervously through his hair. Since when had Cartoonz been so perceptive? “No.” he responded quietly.

“Ohm,” Cartoonz paused, “Ryan, do you want to talk about it?”

Ohm’s hands stilled on his suitcase, surprised at the use of his name. “I-I don’t…” he looked at Cartoonz and sighed. “I was, I wasn’t feeling that great last night, alright? I felt pretty shit. That’s all that it is.”

Cartoonz seemed to accept the answer. “Alright, man.” he rubbed the back of his neck, “Look, I don’t pretend to know what kind of stuff you’ve got going on in your personal life or your feelings, or any of that shit. I just wanna let you know that whatever it is, I’m… here. If you need me. Ya know?”

Ohm just swallowed and nodded slowly. “Yeah. Thanks.”

Once Ohm had finished packing, they hightailed it out of the subpar hotel room and Ohm checked out. They walked back the way they came until they reached the front of the guys’ hotel. 

Ohm’s eyes widened as he looked up at the huge glass covered building. He and Cartoonz stepped inside and Ohm felt kind of out of place in such a fancy environment. He knew that it was a nice hotel, but he hadn't known it was this nice. The floors were tiled and were so clean that they shined. 

A bellboy came rushing over when he noticed Ohm’s bags. He loaded them easily onto his cart before asking which room they’d like them to be sent to.

“We’re joining some friends in room 420.” Cartoonz said politely, “Could ya’ bring those up there?”

“Of course.” he responded politely.

“Thank you, sir!” Ohm said, and the guy smiled and rolled his cart off. “Room 420, huh?” Ohm smirked at Cartoonz.

“It’s a lucky coincidence.” Cartoonz said, laughing. 

The elevator was full of mirrors that showed hundreds of Ohms and Cartoonzs in every direction. It made Ohm a little nervous to have so many eyes on him, even if they were his own. Ohm excitedly pushed the button before Cartoonz got the chance, and the heavy doors slid shut. They made their way up the elevator and stepped off on their floor, loudly continuing their conversation.

“But, hypothetically, if a hotel or apartment has a least 700 rooms, then there would have to be a room 666, right?”

“I dunno, Ohm. I think they might just skip the shit.” Cartoonz said, rubbing his beard in thought.

“But then all the room numbers after it would be a lie!”

“Who the fuck cares about that shit, Ohm?”

“I do! Fuck you, Cartoonz!”

They suddenly found themselves in front of the hotel room, and stopped their pseudo fight. Ohm lagged behind him. The hotel had really nice carpeting for the hallways. Cartoonz lifted a fist and rapped it against the door. 

“Don’t you already have a key?” Ohm asked him. It was probably stupid, but Ohm didn’t want someone to come to the door. He’d already met everyone, but he couldn’t help but be nervous of meeting them again.

“I’m being polite, Ohm.”

“But they’re already expecting us!”

“I’m not gonna go bustin’ my ass in there like the goddamn Kool Aid man!”

Ohm let out an angry sounding “Oooh!” that was reminiscent of a squawking bird, and Cartoonz responded with a “Haaah!”

“You guys having fun?”

They looked over to see Basically leaning in the open door frame. Ohm and Cartoonz realised they were probably pretty loud just now and rushed into the hotel room before anyone down the hall could complain about the noise. 

Upon entering the room, they walked down a narrow hallway with an adjacent bathroom and a closet before entering a nice living room area with a big flat screen TV. 

The far wall appeared to be open, as it was entirely made of a large crystal clear glass window that overlooked the city. Ohm could see all the lights of buildings and cars speeding past, and imagined how beautiful that view would be during the day. 

This place made Ohm’s first hotel look like a dumpster.

There were doors to two bedrooms and the couch appeared to be the kind that folded into a bed. Ohm noticed his bags had already arrived and were sat on the floor on the other side of the room. 

All the guys were squished onto the couch and a few chairs around the TV. Everyone looked up as they walked in.

Ohm and Cartoonz found seats and joined everyone else. They were playing Mario Kart. Unsurprisingly, it was Nogla who brought the game. He, Wildcat, Mini and Moo were all playing split screen while Vanoss and Basically, and now Ohm and Cartoonz watched. 

Through not unexpected, it was funny to see how the race devolved into Wildcat vs. Nogla for first place and Moo vs. Mini for not last. Tensions were high and Ohm could feel a potential noise complaint coming on. After an onslaught of items in the third lap, the little Link character slipped into first.

“Yes!” Moo shouted, as he crossed the finish line. He stood up and pumped his fist in the air, laughing maniacally. “I’ll take it!”

“This is focking shite! I got hit wit every fockin’ item right there!” Nogla said angrily.

“Haha! You’re bad, Nogla.” Wildcat said, comfortable in his second place position.

“The results are fuckin’ in, boys.” Mini said, through his hands that engulfed his face.

“At least you aren’t in fifth, Mini. Fourth is still pretty good.” Ohm chuckled. Everyone laughed, remembering the whole ‘Fifth Ladd’ ordeal.

“Out of four people? Fucking hell.” Mini groaned.

“It’s been so long since I last came first!” Moo said, sitting down.

“Shut the fuck up, Moo!” Mini laughed.

Moo laughed as well and looked to Basically, Vanoss, Cartoonz, and Ohm. “Do any of you wanna play? I’m happy to end it there.”

They ended up switching everyone out so that Ohm, Cartoonz, Vanoss, and Basically were all racing while the others watched. 

Out of all of them, Basically and Ohm had the most experience with the game, however it was pretty evenly matched in lack of skill, especially on a map like rainbow road. At the end of the third lap, Cartoonz came in first. 

“Eat my dick motherfucker!” He shouted triumphantly at Basically.

“That was fucking bullshit! I was right fucking there!” Basically grumbled.

“The results are in. At least we all had fun though, right?” Vanoss said, calmly.

“At least I didn’t come in last.” Ohm chuckled in response. 

Though Ohm usually stayed awake way later than what was probably healthy, he was so physically and emotionally drained from everything that had been going on, that he started nodding off. Cartoonz noticed and decided to show Ohm to where he’d be sleeping. 

Ohm was too tired to change into pajamas, so he just took off his shoes, socks, and pants and slipped under the covers of the comfy bed. Cartoonz would be joining him later, but he wasn’t going to go to sleep just yet.

“Hey, Ohm?”

“Hmm?” Ohm muttered, his mind clouded with fatigue.

“I know what it’s like to… to not feel good about your appearance.” Cartoonz said softly, rubbing the back of his head.

“What? But you’re always so confident…” Ohm said, becoming a little more alert at the sudden confession.

“I mean, I guess I am now. But I wasn’t always. I worked hard to get over it. I worked hard to improve myself.” Cartoonz shrugged, “My body didn’t always look so damn gorgeous and fit, you know, Ohm?”

Ohm was silent. Cartoonz had never choose to confide with him about this kind of thing before. He seemed to be playing it off like it wasn’t a big deal, but Ohm could tell that this was something Cartoonz actually had a hard time talking about. It seemed like Cartoonz was only hinting at something that used to really bother him.

“I just don’t want you to feel like that, Ohm. Not around us. You should never feel ashamed of someone seeing you.” Cartoonz said, and stepped to the doorway. “I’m… I’m really glad we ran into you, Ohm. I think that this was something that needed to happen, probably more for your sake than anybody else’s.”

Ohm considered this. He was actually feeling a lot better than he had in a long time after having met up with everyone. Every time there was a convention that he had opted to skip in the past, the anxiety had eaten away at him, only to be bottled to be dealt with later. 

The worries and insecurities that he’d refused to come to terms with had been slowly building up, and wearing him down. It kind of felt like they had all bubbled to the surface since he went to E3 this year, and he could finally start facing them and moving on. 

It was a nice thought that he might not have to face them all on his own this time.

“Goodnight, Ryan.” Cartoonz said, closing the door and rejoining the others in a slightly quieter conversation. 

“Goodnight, Luke.” Ohm muttered. He laid there, feeling warm and comfortable. As he drifted to sleep, it felt like he was sinking deeper and deeper into the soft bedding, until he was enveloped by darkness and fell into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I got pretty good feedback for the first chapter, which was super nice to see, so here's another! I was able to post this one pretty quick because it was pretty much already written when I posted the first chapter, I just took a few days to refine it. If I end up posting a third it will most likely take a bit longer, considering these two chapters have taken just under a month to write. I'd guess a third chapter would probably take about two weeks. 
> 
> Also, I know this chapter was more dialogue heavy whereas the first chapter was more narration, so which do you prefer?
> 
> I'm still happy to hear any feedback or edits I missed, so please let me know what you think and if I should continue with this story! Thank you.


	3. Chapter 3

Ohm felt a warmth on his face, and slowly opened his eyes. Sun was shining in through a gap in the white curtains, and Ohm sat up, rubbing his face. There was a pressure in his abdomen, and Ohm realised he hadn’t used a toilet since the restaurant. 

He picked up his phone to check the time, it was only 8:43, but Ohm was feeling rested. He turned to look at the other side of the bed, and saw Cartoonz laying in a big lump next to him. No wonder Ohm didn’t have any blankets.

Ohm grabbed his laptop from his bags along with a change of clothes, and stepped out into the living room, quietly closing the door behind him. He plugged in the charger and set his laptop down on the couch. He quickly grabbed one of the backup videos that he had uploaded privately on YouTube and made it public, before stepping into the bathroom. Since he figured everyone else wouldn’t be up for a while, he took the opportunity to shower first. 

The bathroom was way nicer than the one his other hotel had. It was sparkling clean except for the various toothbrushes and other such items that were littered across the vanity. Ohm ran his tongue across his teeth and realised he hadn’t even brushed them before going to sleep. He quickly used the toilet and was washing his hands when he noticed his reflection. 

His hair was a little tousled up from sleeping, but other than that, he looked better than normal. It took him awhile to realise what it was, but the dark circles he was so used to seeing under his eyes had significantly lightened. Ohm hadn’t slept this well for weeks. 

He stepped into the shower and gawked at how fancy it was. The shower head was bigger than the one he had at home, the walls appeared to be dark marble slabs, and the floor was nicely tiled with small black and white squares. 

He turned the knob and felt like heaven as the hot water enveloped him. He quickly used shampoo and soap to clean himself, before taking his time to just stand there and enjoy the feeling of the warm water raining down on him. 

After probably a half hour, Ohm opened the glass door and stepped out of the shower alongside a cloud of steam. He dried off with one of the puffy white towels that were sitting folded on the shelf, and dressed for the day. He left the bathroom feeling more calm and refreshed than he had in a long time.

“Oh. Hey, Ohm.” Wildcat said, looking up from his phone.

“Good morning, Wildcat.” Ohm said. He threw the clothes he’d worn to bed onto his suitcase in the bedroom, before sitting down on the couch next to Wildcat and opening his laptop.

“You know you can call me Tyler, right?”

Ohm blinked. “But… you just called me Ohm. I thought I should call you by your nickname as well, right?”

Wildcat stopped, and slowly turned to look at Ohm, as if he was just realising Ohmwrecker wasn’t his actual name. His cheeks went a bit pink and he looked away. 

“Fuck."

“What?”

“I… I don’t actually know what your name is.” he admitted with a grimace. 

Ohm was surprised, but once he thought about it, he didn’t go by his actual name nearly as much as the some of the others, so Wildcat couldn’t really be blamed. He laughed, and stuck out a hand. “Nice to meet you, sir! My name is Ryan.”

“Right! Ryan. Fuck, I should have known that.” Wildcat winced, then sheepishly shook Ohm’s hand. “Nice to meet you, Ryan. I’m Tyler.” 

“Are you the only one up so far?” Ohm asked, as he opened up the internet and started checking his various social media accounts.

“Other than you, I think so. I can’t say for sure, though, ‘cuz Evan, Craig, Marcel and Brock are next door in 421. I was actually gonna pop over there to see if they’re moving yet.” Tyler said. 

Ohm nodded. He hadn’t realised they had gotten two rooms, but it made sense considering how many of them there were. 

“I don’t know about Luke’s sleeping habits,” Tyler continued, “but Nogla’s probably gonna be sleeping in, the lazy fuck.”

“Fock off wit ye!” came Nogla’s yell from the other room. “I’m texting me mudder.”

“He’s texting his mudder!” Tyler laughed, imitating his heavy Irish accent.

A dishevelled Nogla came out of the room, phone in hand, and plopped on the couch between Tyler and Ohm. His hair was sticking up at odd angles, and his eyes were still squinting at the change in light from the bedroom to the living room. “Wotchu’ guys doin’?” 

“I was just texting Kelly while I was waiting for the bathroom. She’s staying over with her friend who apparently snores like a dog. She had a shitty sleep last night.” Tyler shot a glare at Nogla, “But I wouldn’t know anything about that, would I Nogla?”

“Wotchu’ mean?” Nogla asked, offended, “I don’t snore!”

“My ears last night would beg to differ, you chainsaw-sounding retard.”

“Fock ye, then!” Nogla said, then turned to Ohm. “And wotchu doing there now, Ohm?”

Ohm looked at the half-finished minesweeper game he had open, and quickly closed his laptop. He may make a career off playing awesome, complex, and cool video games, but what could he say? He still was a fan of the classics. Nothing wrong with a few games like solitaire or sudoku on the down low. “Oh, you know. Just chilling.”

“Oh, nice.” Nogla said. After a beat of silence, he stood up and started walking off.

“Where are you going?” Tyler asked.

“Batroom.”

“No you fucking aren’t!” Tyler said, standing up. “I’ve been waiting here this whole time! I get it first!”

“No! You’re the one sitting around wit Ohm when the batroom’s free to use! I’m going!”

“Mornin’, Ryan.” came a voice from behind him.

Ohm supposed he’d have to start getting used to hearing ‘Ryan’ instead of ‘Ohm’. It was his name after all. Though, it was a bit strange to hear his name on the tongues of those who’d always known him as Ohmwrecker. Ohm turned around to see Cartoonz rubbing his eyes. 

Cartoonz gave an incredulous look towards the argument between their two roommates. Before turning back to Ohm. “Sleep well?”

“Yeah, actually.” Ohm smiled. “Excellently.” 

“Yeah? I seemed to have every blanket in the building wrapped around me somehow, so I wasn’t sure if you were cold.”

Ohm shrugged, “I’m surprised you were cold, considering all that beard you’ve got to keep you warm.”

“Hey man, listen, I like to be snuggly when I’m sleepin’, alright?” Cartoonz said, pointing a finger at Ohm. “Now, I need to piss.” Cartoonz walked past Tyler and Nogla into the bathroom and closed the door behind him, somehow unnoticed.

Ohm smirked, and turned his attention back to the argument, which had somehow derailed back into their argument from the previous night.

“Yer not listenin’, it’s focken two versus one! There’s no way Joe and Tony wouldn’t absolutely fuck your dumbass pongo-lookin’ bitch!”

“Nogla, Kino is bigger and faster than both of you’re stupid dogs combined!”

Ohm privately thought that he’d never let Buddy get into any fights. His little dog was too cute to be put in harm’s way. He chuckled at the two of them. At 6 foot 5 and 6 foot 4 respectively, seeing them argue like this could easily be intimidating if not for the idiotic topic of their discussion. Ohm decided he’d not tell them that Cartoonz had taken the bathroom, as they’d figure it out on their own soon enough. 

He turned his eyes to his left, and was met with the breathtaking view of the city. The glass of the various tall buildings glistened in the sun almost blindingly. The sky was a bright blue, with only a smattering of clouds dusted by the horizon. He stood up and walked closer, to look down at the street below, where crowds bustled and cars lazily drove by. The city looked so bright and warm and almost alive. Ohm found himself wanting to join it.

As his gaze drifted back up to the sky, his eyes refocused onto his reflection in the glass. He smiled, and his reflection smiled back. He thought about what Cartoonz had said the previous night, about not feeling good about his appearance. Ohm didn’t think he was unattractive or anything. The issue seemed to be more of a fear of how other people would respond to him, not necessarily his appearance, but him, Ryan, as he was. 

He sometimes felt like the person he was in real life isn’t as good as Ohmwrecker. He didn’t want people to see any of his flaws, or vulnerabilities. He was a very private person. The more he thought about it, that might be why he was one of the minority of the friend group who was single. Hell, Brock was already married with a kid. Come to think of it, he didn’t have a large amount of friends who he hadn’t met on the internet either. Ohm realised that he’d been so busy making sure that nobody could see anything past the mask of Ohmwrecker, he’d been holding himself back from meeting people. 

While staring into his own reflected eyes, Ohm decided that he’d just… stop. He had no reason to hide himself anymore. He wasn’t going to do a face reveal or anything. Not yet, at least. But he wasn’t going to stop himself from seeing his friends or making new ones outside of YouTube. He was going to try more of a SMii7Y approach with the whole thing.

He was going to become comfortable just being Ryan again.

It felt as if a weight had been lifted from his chest. He knew he couldn’t change himself immediately, but he was going to start taking steps to change as soon as he could. And what better chance than this? After all, no time like the present.

Ryan plopped down onto the couch and opened up his laptop again. After a few quick google searches, he smiled. “Hey, Tyler? Daithi?” Ryan said, turning around.

“Huh?” they said, from where they were currently standing, arms folded, outside the bathroom. They were both looking increasingly uncomfortable with every minute the bathroom was occupied.

“Would you guys wanna go to the zoo today?”

“Hmm,” Tyler scratched his chin. “Yeah, I’d like to. Ain’t nothing like some cute ass animals.”

“I’d like to as well.” Daithi smiled.

There was a flush and then the sound of water from the bathroom, and Luke opened the door. “I fuckin’ love the zoo!”

Tyler pushed past him and closed the door before Daithi noticed.

“Oh my days.” he groaned.

“Have you asked the guys in the other room yet?” Luke, who was more excited than he was letting on about going to the zoo, asked. 

“No, I actually don’t even know how many of them are awake yet.” Ryan said. “I’ll go check?”

“I’ll go too,” Daithi said. “Hopefully their bathroom is free.”

The three of them walked over to the next room in the hall and knocked. After a few seconds, Brock opened the door and smiled at them, waving hello with a hand full of cards. “Hey, good morning, guys! We were wondering if you were up yet.” 

“Is there anyone in your batroom?” Daithi asked.

“No, no that I know of?” Brock responded, and Daithi pushed past him and the sound of the door slamming made everyone jump. Brock rose an eyebrow, and turned back to Ryan and Luke. He made an inviting gesture towards the room and stepped out of the way. “Come on in.”

Brock closed the door behind them and made his way back to his seat with Evan, Marcel and Craig. They all looked up from their respective decks and smiled at the sight of their friends.

“Good morning, you two!” Craig smiled, “We’re playing Uno.”

“Yeah, but since everyone’s up, we should all head down for breakfast!” Marcel said, and they began packing the cards away.

“Sure,” Ryan agreed. “Though, we were wondering if you guys would want to go to the zoo today. Tyler, Nogla and Luke and I would like to.”

“I definitely wanna go!” Evan said excitedly, “I love seeing animals, besides, it’s not like we had anything planned for today.”  
Everyone else agreed as well, and Brock sighed. “I wish I could take my daughter! She loves animals.”

Suddenly Daithi bursted out of the bathroom. “Do they have chocolate milk?” he asked loudly, and everyone started laughing at the urgency in his voice.

“What are you talking about, Daithi?” Marcel asked, chuckling.

“I think it’s cuz’ we mentioned breakfast earlier? I don’t know why he sounded so serious about it though.” Even laughed.

“Yes!” Daithi exclaimed, “They’d better have chocolate milk, because it’s tasty and it’s good for ye.” 

Daithi, Ryan and Luke went back to their room to get everything they’d need for the day. Tyler was still in the washroom and they could hear the sound of the shower running through the door. Ryan grabbed a pair of sunglasses from his bag, and his wallet. Tyler stepped out of the bathroom and pretty soon they were all ready to go.

They joined the others in the hall and made sure their doors were locked before cramming into the small elevator.

The group made their way to the dining area and were met with the sight of a beautifully laid out breakfast buffet. Ryan remembered looking in at the complimentary breakfast at his first hotel and it was absolute trash compared to this. It smelled delicious and everyone wasted no time in stacking various foods onto their plates. An employee helped push two tables together for them and everybody sat down to eat.

“Hey, Ryan, can you pass the pepper?” Luke asked.

“Who the fock is Ryan?” Daithi asked in confusion. Ryan noticed a couple more confused expressions around the table.

Ryan, rather than answering, silently passed the pepper to his friend across the table.

“Oh.” Daithi blinked. “Sorry, I never knew that was your name, Ohm. Wouldja like me to start callin’ ye Ryan?”

“No need to apologise, man. And, yeah. You can call me Ryan.” Ryan said. Around the table, everyone silently decided to start using Ryan’s actual name.  


Everybody continued eating and Ryan thoughtfully chewed on his scrambled eggs. He’d known these people for years, and some of them hadn’t even known his name. He really needed to open up more.

After breakfast, they called a few ubers to take them to the zoo. Ryan got in the back seat of the car with Evan while Brock took shotgun. Ryan noticed a backpack on Brock’s lap and laughed.

“What? It’s just sunscreen and water and stuff. You know, just in case!” Brock said defensively.

“You’re becoming such a dad, Brock.” Ryan chuckled.

“Yeah. Though, he was already telling Dad jokes from day one, so maybe actually having a kid amplified his pre-existing, uh, ‘dad-ness’.” Evan said jokingly.

“I know. I don’t want to be too much of a parent. It’s just... she’s so small and cute and perfect. I have to be a good dad. I can’t let her down.” Brock said. “Sorry if I’m parenting you guys as well. It’s just getting ingrained in my brain.”

“Hey, no worries, man. It’s for the best, anyway. I sunburn like a bitch.” Ryan said.

“Yeah,” Evan nodded. “Besides, nobody else brought shit.”

As they pulled up to a red light, the uber driver turned to Brock. She looked to be in her mid twenties. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. You have a daughter?”  


“Yeah!” Brock brightened up, and pulled out his phone. After a couple of taps, he showed her the screen.

“Wow! You’re family is so cute!”

“Oh, thank you.” Brock smiled.

“Hey, can I see?” Ryan asked, and Brock passed back the phone.

“She’s absolutely adorable!” the uber driver gushed as the car pulled forward. “How old is she? What’s her name?”

Ryan turned his attention to the picture in his hands and his heart melted. Brock and Lauren were standing there in nice outfits with a blue backdrop and in their arms was the sweetest little girl Ryan had ever seen. But that wasn’t what caught his attention.

It was the look in their eyes. They were so happy. They were so in love with each other. He’d never seen that before. His own parents had… not had the best relationship. They divorced and Ryan slipped through the cracks. He had never wanted to make anyone feel the way he felt. So… unwanted. He didn’t want anyone to go through what he did. Because of this, he had never considered becoming a parent.

Until now. Brock, one of his closest friends had obtained this kind of happiness, so why couldn’t Ryan? The only issue is that Ryan hadn’t even had a girlfriend since his ex a few years ago, which had ended rather horribly. 

He quietly passed the phone over to Evan, who smiled as he looked at the photo. Brock was laughing as the uber driver told him stories of her troublemaker niece. 

Ryan looked out the window at the sidewalks full of people, each with their own lives and their own thoughts. Surely there was one out there somewhere for Ryan.

After a while of driving, they arrived at the zoo and gave their thanks and goodbyes to their driver. The other guys had already arrived and were waiting outside under the huge ‘LOS ANGELES ZOO’ sign. They all bought tickets and stepped inside the zoo.

Once they got past the main entrance, they walked along into a little fake town area with restaurants and shops. They converged next to the gift shop to get organized.

“Oh,” Daithi said. “Ryan, I was plannin’ on makin’ a vlog today. Just wonderin’ if that would be okay wit ye? I could make sure you’re not in it?”

Ryan thought about it. If someone had asked him a few days ago, his answer would have been to avoid filming him completely and try to edit him out if a clip had him in it by mistake. But now? He spotted a giraffe mask hanging on a rack in the gift shop and a thought popped into his head. 

He knew he wasn’t ready for a face reveal, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be in the vlog.

He walked over to the mask and picked it up, turning to Daithi, he said “You know what? I think I’ll be in it. Just let me know whenever you start filming.”  
Daithi looked surprised, but happy. “Really? That’s fockin’ great, Ryan!”

The group looked pretty excited that Ryan was going to appear in his first live action video. Ryan quickly went and paid for the mask and returned to them, putting it on. He probably looked a little goofy, being the only one of the group wearing a giraffe face, but nobody said anything.

“Alright,” Daithi said, picking up his camera, turning it around to face him and pressing record. “Hey guys, it’s Daithi, here and today I’m at the LA zoo with a couple of friends. We all went to E3 a couple of days ago and now we’re just spendin’ the day enjoyin’ ourselves. Experiencing LA, ya know?”

Daithi turned the camera around to the group and continued. “Here wit me is Evan, Tyler, Marcel, Brock, Craig, Luke, and,” he paused, focusing the camera on Ryan’s mask, “the masked gamer, Ohmwrecker.”

Everyone gave their own hello’s to the camera and then Daithi, satisfied with the clip, stopped the recording. Ryan pulled back the mask and positioned it on the side if his head so that it would be out of the way.

They decided to just start walking down the middle pathway that led them to the aviary. The cage-like building was completely enveloped in plants that weaved in and out of the wire. At first glance, you might not even notice it was there. They made their way around to the entrance and stepped inside. 

Ryan looked around in awe at the beautiful space, even without the birds, the environment in it’s own was beautiful. He felt like he had just stepped into a tropical forest. There were all kinds of plants filling up every little space with huge leaves that reached out and long twisting vines. There was even a waterfall that was integrated into the landscape and filled the air with the calming sounds of the water.

It was nice to get out of the sun, and Ryan noticed that his skin had already started to get hot while he’d been out in the sun. He’d definitely ask Brock for his sunscreen before they headed back outside.

The group slowly made their way through the building, looking at the different species in their enclosures. There were parrots, toucans, flamingos, and birds with all kinds of crazy colours and shapes of feathers.

Nogla brought out his camera again as they got into the birds of prey section, getting a shot of Evan calling “Hoo-dini!” at the owls. “And look, there’s early bird!” Brock exclaimed after he turned the camera towards the bald eagle. 

They stepped back outside and Ryan was spreading sunscreen on his arms and neck. They passed through a section with some smaller mammals like otter and kangaroos, but everyone was most excited for the next area, which was the big cats.

As Tyler posed for a photo with the wildcats, Ryan smiled and stepped closer to the nearest enclosure. 

As he stood there leaning on the railing around the giant cage, a dark shape approached him. A black panther emerged from the bushes and stalked over towards the edge of the cage, nearest to Ryan. He laid down in the shade of the trees and lazily looked over at the people who were crowding around. His eyes met Ryans.

Ryan stared into the panther’s eyes, which almost seemed to glow with how bright they were in contrast to his dark fur.

They kept moving on, looking at all kinds of different animals as the day passed on. They reached the giraffes and Daithi saw the opportunity to continue the vlog.

“Look over there, now, Ohm! It’s your brudders!” Daithi exclaimed, filming Ryan, whose mask was back in place. He turned the camera as he pointed towards the giraffes, then back to Ryan.

“Oh, shit!” Ryan said, in mock surprise with his hands resting on his plastic giraffe cheeks. “My brothers!”

“Why don’t you say ‘hi’ to them, Ohm?” Evan suggested.

Ryan blinked, trying to remember what giraffes sound like. “Right. Um-uhhhhh... Reee! Rheeee- fuck. Wait. Huuuuuh! Is that right?”  


The whole group started laughing as Ryan rubbed the back of his neck.

“Fuckin’ christ, Ryan! The fuck was that?” Cartoonz laughed. “You sounded like a damn retarded donkey!”

Daithi ended the clip and Ryan pulled back his mask, laughing. Nogla kept shooting little snippets of footage at various moments. Eventually, their group finished looking at the animals and after they made their way back towards the entrance and visited the gift shop, they all called their respective ubers to take them to dinner.

Marcel, Evan and Craig piled into theirs first, then Daithi, Tyler and Brock took the second. Unfortunately Ryan and Luke’s uber seemed to have gotten a little stuck in traffic.

“I’m really fucking glad you suggested this, Ryan.” Luke said as they stood on the sidewalk near the parking lot. “I had a lot of fun today.”

“Me too.” Ryan said, smiling. “I still can’t believe all of this is happening. It’s insane that I’ve known all of you for years, yet we never actually hung out. It’s really fucking nice.”

Ryan noticed someone from the corner of his eye. She was walking by along with everyone else, but she stopped mid-step a few feet away. Her eyes were glued to Luke.

“Oh my god!” she exclaimed with delight, bringing her hands to her mouth dramatically. “Cartoonz?”

Luke smiled, but cast a worried gaze towards Ryan, who wasn’t wearing the mask. “Yeah, what’s up?” he said casually.

“Wow! I’m a huge fan! I always love watching you, Ohm, Delirious and Gorilla play! You’ve made such a huge impact on my life, I can’t believe I’m actually meeting you!”  


She suddenly seemed to notice Ryan’s presence. “Oh! Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I didn’t realise you were talking with someone.” she said, slightly embarrassed. “Are you a fan of Cartoonz too?”

Ryan sputtered, “I-I guess? I mean, I do watch your videos when I have time.” 

“Uh, he’s a close friend actually.” Luke said.“Thanks for the support, though. I really appreciate it.”

“I should be the one thanking you!” She smiled wide, “You and Ohm are my favourite YouTubers ever! I actually met one of my best friends through your videos!”

“Wow, really? Thank you! I’m sure Ohm would be happy to hear that.” Luke said, glancing towards Ryan, whose eyes were wide.

“I love your content and personality, and Ohm is so incredible!” she gushed, “It’s so inspiring to see how hard he works and how often he likes to upload. It’s crazy that he’s been doing this for so long, too! There aren’t a whole lot of channels where you can watch at content that’s about ten years old and still find it enjoyable.”

“Yeah, he’s really something.” Luke chuckled in response.

“It’s all because of his personality, you know? Watching his stuff is like hanging out with a close friend. He’s super likeable!” her face turned a bit red as she suddenly realised she was rambling. “Sorry if I’m being too familiar. It’s strange how I’ve spent hours listening to you but we’ve never met, isn’t it?”

Ryan could relate with that sentiment.

“No worries.” Luke smiled. He looked at Ryan, whose face was a bright as a child’s on Christmas morning. “Say, If you could tell Ohm one thing, what would it be?”

She looked excited, obviously thinking that he was implying he’d pass on her message. “I’d tell him I love him and his content, and thank him for all the happiness he’s brought into my life.”

She tilted her head in confusion when Luke didn’t respond. Following his gaze, her eyes met Ryan’s.

“Wait.” she said, eyes going wide. She looked at Ryan again, this time really seeing him. “No way…”

Ryan was a little scared, knowing that for the first time a fan new his face, but all of her kind words eased his worries. She seemed like a nice enough person. “Thank you so much for all the support.” Ryan smiled. “People like you watching and enjoying my videos make all the effort worth it in the end.”

She stood there with her jaw hanging, before shouting “Oh my god!”

Ryan suddenly found his arms full of the smaller woman, as she laughed happily. 

“I can’t believe it!” she said as she pulled back from the hug. “You look like your mii!” she exclaimed, looking up at Ryan’s face.

“Thanks?” Ryan laughed. “You know, I’ve never actually met a fan face-to-face before.”

“Really?” she asked, seemingly honoured. “This is so crazy! Can… can I take a selfie with you guys?”

“Uh, I don’t know if that’s…”Luke seemed anxious at the question, and quickly glanced over at Ryan to see how he’d react. 

Ryan would in any other circumstance say absolutely not. These past few days however, had already changed his mind on several things, so he really considered it. Partially due to his extraordinarily good mood, he smiled. “You know what? Sure. Just promise you won’t post or anything until I do a face reveal.”

She looked like she had just won the lottery. “Thank you so much! I promise I won’t! Oh god, my friend Jenna would be so jealous right now.”  
He and Luke bent down slightly so they were at eye level with her. They smiles they were wearing for the photo weren’t forced at all. Before putting her phone away, she blushed.

“You know, I uh…” she started, rubbing her neck. “I actually draw as a hobby, and it’s kind of embarrassing showing people in real life, but… I made some fanart of you guys.”

“Damn, really?” Luke asked, intrigued. “Let us see that shit!”

She tapped her phone a few times before shyly tilting the screen towards them. “It’s you guys as rainbow six siege operators.” she explained, “Cartoonz as Blackbeard and Ohm as Kapkan.”

Ryan looked down at the screen and the corners of his mouth tilted upwards at the drawing. Blackbeard looked as he did in the game, but his helmet was off and his facial features and hair were clearly Luke’s. He also had the Cartoonz logo on his right sleeve below the american flag instead of Blackbeard’s patch. Next to him was Kapkan, who was looking distinctly more Ohm-like. His hood was replaced with a simple grey hoodie, and the fabric that covered his face had the Ohm symbol on it. 

Both characters had their guns pointed towards the screen and Ryan noticed that Luke’s gun had a small bottle of Animated beard oil as a charm and Ryan’s gun had a glass of lemonade. Ryan was impressed by the drawing itself, not only those little details that referenced him and Luke. The drawing was fairly stylized with lineart and cell shading, and the relatively difficult pose was pulled off well, despite the foreshortening.

“Wow!” Ryan gasped as he took it all in. “This is actually really good! You said this was your hobby? It could easily be your career!”

“Yeah, I’m fucking impressed.” Luke said.

She was physically shaking from excitement. “Thank you! I can’t believe you like it! Oh my god!”

“Hey, how would you feel about making a couple of thumbnails for me?” Ryan asked.

She looked like she was going to explode from happiness. “I would love to!”

Suddenly, Ryan’s phone alerted him that his uber driver arrived. “Shit, our uber’s here. Is there any way I can contact you?”  


She rummaged in her purse for a second before pulling out an eyeliner. She pointed at Ryan’s arm and raised her eyebrows.

“Uh, sure?” Ryan said, raising his hand to her.

She quickly scribbled something onto his forearm with the eyeliner, then pulled both him and Luke into a hug. “I’m so happy I got to meet you two! You have no idea how much this means to me!” 

They said their goodbyes and climbed into the back of their uber. Ryan checked his phone on the way. Craig had texted him saying that they were already seated at the restaurant and asked what drinks they wanted ordered while they were waiting. After asking Luke, he texted back saying they’d be there soon and to get a beer and a lemonade. 

They arrived a few minutes later. A pretty waitress with a high ponytail led them to their both and Ryan and Luke slid into the two empty seats. As everyone was exchanging greetings, Ryan brought his arm to direct his straw towards his mouth and took a sip of lemonade.

“What the fuck is that?” Marcel asked, pointing at Ryan’s forearm.

Ryan looked down in confusion, before spotting the writing. He hadn’t looked at it yet, and realised it was her phone number in distinctly girly handwriting, complete with a little heart drawn at the end. His face went red as he realised what it must have looked like to his friends.

“Oh shit, Ohm!” Marcel, exclaimed. “We leave you for two fucking seconds and you’re flirting with girls and getting numbers and shit?”

The table’s volume increased drastically as everyone noticed Ryan’s arm.

“No, wait! It’s not like that!” Ryan protested.

“Didn’t take you for a fuckin ladies man, Ohm, shit!” Craig laughed.

“Seriously? You guys were there for like fifteen minutes! How did you already get a girl’s number?” Moo laughed. “I never knew you were so smooth Ryan” 

“She was just a fan, you guys! Geez.” Ryan protested, hands covering his face.

“Wait what?” Craig asked. “A fan?”

“Are you saying a fan has seen your fucking face?” Tyler asked, concerned. “Were you wearing your mask?”

“No, I wasn’t.” Ryan said. “It’s fine though. It’s only one. She’s an artist. I asked her to do some thumbnails for me. Besides, she promised she wouldn’t upload the photo.”  


The table exploded.

“What do you mean the photo?”

“You’ve basically revealed yourself!”

“You actually let her take one?”

“Shut the fuck up!” Ryan shouted, and they piped down. “I guess looking back it wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but I trusted her. She seemed like a very nice person. She’s a fan that has supported me and my work, and I knew it would make her happy to take a photo with me and Luke, so I let her. That’s all there is too it.” 

“Alright.” Craig said after a while. “I hope for your sake that she wasn’t lying.” 

Ohm felt his stomach turn a little at the implication, but he shoved the thought aside as he reminded himself that she had been very kind. She wouldn’t betray his trust.

“You guys ready to order?” the pretty waitress asked, before her eyes fell onto Ryan’s arm. “Ooh, I see why you were late now. Congrats!” She winked.  


Ryan chuckled awkwardly, and quickly scanned through his menu as the others began to order. The waitress got around to him and raised her eyebrows. “And for you, loverboy?”

Ryan’s face got a little redder. “I’ll take a chicken parmigiana please.”

After dinner, they went back to their hotel. Ryan felt a little silly taking two showers in one day, but he had gotten pretty sweaty during the day, and he didn’t want to have to fight to get a shower in the morning before he left the next day. Before he cleaned himself, he added a contact on his phone and typed in the number that had been written on his arm.

That’s right. It was Saturday. He was leaving the next day. He had almost forgotten that he’d have to go back home. On the one hand, he couldn’t wait to see Buddy, but on the other… he didn’t want his to leave his friends. He left the bathroom and everyone was sitting around the couch playing mario kart again except for Daithi, who was clicking away on his laptop.

“Whatcha doing Daithi?” Ryan asked, pulling up a chair.

“I’m just editing the vlog from today.” he said.

“What?” Ryan gasped. “You? Editing a video?”

“Shut the fock up.” Nogla laughed. “I know we just shot it, but I’m a bit excited to post it. We had some pretty funny moments in there, and it was the first time you’ve ever been in one!”

“Yeah, I had a lot of fun hanging out with everyone today. I almost don’t want to go home tomorrow.”

“You’re leaving tomorrow?” Craig asked, eyebrows raised. “What time?”

“My flight’s at noon, but I always like to go early, just in case.” Ryan said.

“That’s kinda shitty.” Marcel said. “We're staying for a couple more days. It sucks you have to miss the first days and the last days of our trip.”

They hung out for a while longer, and watched a couple of shitty horror movies on Netflix before going to bed. 

Ryan could tell that Luke was falling asleep when the blankets slowly but surely drifted to the other side of the bed. Ryan laid there staring at the ceiling. He found himself the most comfortable when he slept on his back, with his hands resting on top of each other on his abdomen. He remembered when he was younger, his family used to tease him for sleeping like a vampire. The comfortable smile on his face disappeared at the thought of his family.

He tilted his head towards Luke’s lump-like form on the other side of the bed. It kind of felt like these guys were becoming his family, more so than his actual family had been. He didn’t really want to leave them.

Going back to Chicago would mean that he’d be going back to his self invoked solitary confinement. His only friends were all scattered across the world.

He sat up as he heard a noise coming from the main room. His brow furrowed. Wasn’t everyone asleep? He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and quietly left the room to investigate. 

“Daithi? What are you doing up still?” Ryan asked in a quiet voice.

Daithi turned around on the couch, illuminated only by the light of his laptop. He responded as quietly as he could as well. “Oh. Hi, Ryan. I could ask ye the same ting. Isn’t there a flight for ye to catch tomorrow morning?”

“I… I can’t sleep.” Ryan said, sitting down on the couch next to him. “Are you still working on the vlog?”

“Yeah.” Daithi said, tilting the screen towards Ryan. “I’m nearly done now though. I’m actually just waiting for it to upload.”

Ryan watched with Daithi as the little loading bar slowly filled up. Daithi had already filled out the description and title, and Ryan’s eyes widened as he noticed that ‘Ohmwrecker’ was listed first under the ‘Friends in the video’ section as well as the title.

“What am I, the celebrity guest or something?” Ryan laughed.

“What? I’m not going to miss out an opportunity to clickbait all the people who want to see your face.” Daithi shrugged.

They chuckled quietly and fell back into a comfortable silence as the bar teetered to 100%. Daithi closed the laptop after quickly making sure everything was working alright with the video. 

Ryan looked at his phone and smiled at the notification that had just appeared. In the thumbnail was a group shot with all of the guys together, and in the middle was Ryan’s silhouette, cut out and filled in black with a question mark in the middle. He smirked at the tease that would make people instantly click the video to catch a glimpse of him. 

He knew he should feel nervous about having video footage of him online, but he knew his face was completely covered in every shot. The only thing he was worried about was leaving tomorrow.

“Are ye ok, Ohm?” Daithi asked. “Ye seem a bit down.”

“I dunno,” Ryan sighed. “It’s just… I’ve never spent time with you guys before, and it’s almost over already.”

Daithi was quiet for a second. “Ye realise we’re going to see each oddur again right?”

Ryan blinked at this. “What do you mean?”

“Ryan, we go on trips to visit each other all the focken time. If ye ever want to see someone, ye just need to work something out wit yer schedules.”

Ryan’s eyebrows raised. Fuck. He hadn’t thought about that. “So… you’re saying I can see any of my friends practically whenever I want to?”

“Yeah. It’s focken common sense. Ye’ve always been able to. Ye just gotta ask.”

The corners of Ryan’s lips slowly raised. He was a fucking idiot. It seemed obvious now. He thanked Daithi, said goodnight, and quietly slipped back into his room. He laid down with a smile and fell asleep in minutes. 

The next morning he woke up, packed all of his shit, and went to the bathroom before everyone started getting up. They decided to watch one last shitty Netflix horror movie before Ryan had to leave. 

“What the fuck? The trailer had so many scenes of those weird scuttler guys but they don’t show up until the last like ten minutes of the movie?” Tyler said as the credits rolled.

“I know! Who gives a shit about some dumbass college kids fucking around in the mountains for an hour?” Marcel agreed.

“I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen a Netflix horror film that was good.” Craig said. “None of them are well written and none of them are scary.”

“Haha!” Brock laughed, too loudly. “Of course! I definitely wasn’t scared!” He said, eyes wide and face looking a little pale. 

They went to breakfast, and pretty soon the time had rolled around for Ryan to head to the airport. Everyone offered to go with him and see him off, but Ryan declined. They didn’t need to have to pay for rides there and back just to say goodbye to him.

Ryan and everyone else were sitting on fancy chairs in the lobby of the hotel waiting for his uber to arrive.

“Man, I can’t wait to see you again next time.” Evan said. “I feel like we need to catch up on all the meet ups we’ve had without you.”

Ryan’s uber pulled up in front of the hotel and he said his last goodbyes to everyone. It took awhile to get to the airport due to traffic, and by the time he checked in his luggage, made it through customs, and found his gate, it was practically time for his flight. He piled onto the plane with everyone else, and quickly found his seat. He put on his headphone and started playing some music. 

After the plane took off, he got a glass of orange juice from a flight attendant, and started falling asleep after he drank it. He made sure that he was leaning on the window instead of the grumpy-looking middle aged man on his left. 

Ryan was awoken by the pilot’s announcement that they were landing. He quickly wiped the drool off of his mouth and put his headphones away, before grabbing all of his stuff and getting out of the plane. The airport was busy and it took about a half hour to get his luggage and get out. As soon as he got out, he got an uber and went home. 

He piled all of his shit just inside the front entrance of his apartment, not even taking off his shoes, before he started speed walking towards his dog sitter. He knocked on the door a little more loudly than what was probably necessary, and it opened a few seconds later. He was immediately greeted with a armful of excited slobbering Buddy.

“Hey, boy! I missed you!” Ryan said in that weird baby-sounding voice people use when talking to animals. “I love you Buddy!”

“He’s been such a good dog.” Said the middle aged woman. “My son is really going to miss him. He’s only been here a few days but he really has a way of worming into people’s hearts.”

“Thank you so much, Nancy.” Ryan smiled. “I really appreciate it. Maybe Buddy could hang out with Shiba sometime? Your son could come along too! Buddy always likes that one park a few streets down. The one near the train tracks.”

Nancy smiled, hands on her hips. She turned around and gently pushed a small figure towards the door. “What do you think, Dave? Does that sound like fun?” 

Her son, peeked shyly from behind his mom, with his pure white husky hugged in his arms. He put a hand up next to his ear and pretended to listen to the small puppy before nodding. “Shiba would like to go.”

Ryan and Nancy laughed at the small boy’s antics. They made plans for Dave and Ryan to go to the park with their dogs the next weekend. Nancy felt like it was a good chance for Dave to spend some time with a male role model. Nancy did great for a single mother, but he knew she’s struggled ever since her husband left.

Ryan said goodbye and made his way back home, led by Buddy on his leash. 

Two days later, he was starting to settle in to life back at home. He’d packed all of his shit away, recorded a few videos with the guys, and spent time with Buddy. He checked in on Nogla’s vlog and the fans were going crazy. 

It harkened back to whenever Ryan had posted a photo on instagram with his arm or hand in it and everyone freaked the fuck out, with comments like ‘Arm reveal!’ or ‘Those are some sexy ass hands’. This time it was a lot more extreme. Ryan’s face went a little pink as he read some of the comments. One of them was just ‘NUUUUUUUUUUUUT!’ which made Ryan laugh.

Suddenly, he began to hear his phone going off repeatedly, every couple of seconds. He raised his eyebrow and typed in the password. He’d gotten multiple texts from all of his friends, which made him confused. Had something happened?

Before he could open any of the multitude of texts, his phone began ringing in his hands. The caller ID read Brock so he picked it up.

“Brock? What’s going on? Why is everyone texting me?” Ryan asked as he put the phone to his ear.

“You haven’t seen it yet?” Brock asked, sounding very upset.

“No? Seen what?” Ryan was beginning to get really worried.

“Go to twitter.”

Ryan was confused at the cryptic instruction that didn’t tell him anything about the situation, but he went to his twitter account anyways. His heart stopped.

There he was, standing with Luke and the artist, smiling at the camera, over and over. He kept scrolling down but it was all he could see. So many people had already shared it and that number was increasing by the second.

“I’m so sorry Ryan.” Brock said weakly.

Ryan hung up the phone wordlessly and went to his contacts. His hands shook as he tapped on the number he had added a couple days prior. He could feel tears welling in his eyes as he raised the phone back to his ear. A couple of seconds passed before the call was answered. He tried to keep his voice calm.

“What the fuck did you do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *PLEASE! Let me know what you think or if you see any edits I missed.*
> 
> Oof! 
> 
> I don't know if anyone was really waiting for this, but here you go. 
> 
> I'm sorry it's been a hot minute since I've updated, but I have been super busy! Back to school and exams and all that. I'm still in the middle of exams and I'll probably be pretty busy still. 
> 
> I don't know why, but this chapter ended up being like 3000 words longer than the others haha.


	4. Chapter 4

“Ohm? I-is that you?”

“Clearly! Who the fuck else would it be?” Ryan growled.

He heard a pathetic squeak from the phone at the harshness of his voice, which only made him angrier. “I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed, “It wasn’t me tha-”

“What the fuck do you mean it wasn’t you?” Ryan interrupted, “How the hell could it have been anybody else? You were the only person on the planet with access to that photo, and you’re telling me you weren’t the one who posted it? Who else could it have fucking been?!”

She whimpered softly. “My friend posted it! Not me…” she said, her voice was shaky, almost as if she were crying “It was Jenna, I swear!”

Ryan was seeing red. “Bullshit! How the fuck would they have it in the first place?” he practically yelled.

“...I sent it to her.” she admitted, “I didn’t know she would post it, honest! She was my best friend, Ohm! She’s your fan too and I trusted her-”

Ryan could hear her still talking, but he couldn’t bring himself to pay attention. His entire body was blazing hot. He turned the phone on speaker and set it on his desk. He pulled off his shirt to try to stop himself from overheating, but it didn’t work. 

He wished he could pull off his skin as well. 

Taking hard, shallow breaths, Ryan picked up the phone again. He sat down on the floor, pressing his burning back against the cold drywall. 

“-I told her to take it down as soon as possible, but she wouldn’t-” she continued.

Ryan couldn’t stop the tears from spilling anymore, and hot trails seared down his cheeks. He pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face in his arms. Everyone would see it. He was sure of it. Even as he sat here, the photo was being shared to more and more people, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

“-you have no idea how guilty I feel right now, and I know that doesn’t change anything, but for what it’s worth, I’m so sorry.”

Ryan couldn’t muster the energy to reply. He just stared at the phone. Looking at the number of the person who had just ruined everything. If what she was saying was true, it wasn’t completely her fault. He wanted to feel angry, or calm down, or think of a way to fix this, but he couldn’t. He could barely even stop himself from shaking. 

“I swear to god, I only meant to show Jenna! I was so excited that I actually met you and I-”

“Can you just shut the fuck up please.” Ryan said quietly, all the strength gone from his quivering voice.

“Ar-are you okay, Ohm?” she asked after a moment of silence. 

Ryan swallowed, and took a shaky breath. “I have to go.” he said, hating the way his voice broke mid sentence.

“Wai-”

Ryan quickly hung up before hearing whatever it was she was going to say next. With a loose grip on the device, he limply dropped his hand to the ground. He slapped his free hand onto his forehead and pressed down as hard as his shivering arm could muster.

He was shaking like a leaf, temples pounding, and there was a hollow feeling in his abdomen, like somebody was tearing at his flesh from the inside. No matter how many times he swallowed, his mouth kept filling with more saliva, and some sprayed out of his mouth with every heavy breath he took. He stood up and turned off the lights, which were suddenly blinding. His phone was flashing on and vibrating every couple seconds, so Ryan shut it off as well, along with his computer. He felt a wave of dizziness from standing up and moving so quickly, and leaned on his desk for support.

His eyes widened, and he smacked a hand against his mouth as his stomach suddenly lurched. He slammed open the door before sprinting towards the bathroom. He barely got there in time, before violently spilling his guts into the toilet. Tears were squeezed through the corners of his eyes, and sweat dripped down his back. His throat and sinuses burned like a bitch as he knelt there, heaving up bile, for the next five minutes. 

Once Ryan got the strength to stand, he washed the vomit from his face and hands. He avoided looking himself in the eye as he rinsed his mouth and blew his nose to get as much of the stomach acid from his throat and sinuses as he could. It still burned, but it was as good as it was gonna get. As threw his last tissue in the toilet and flushed it, he felt a creeping cold from his feet that spread quickly, enveloping his whole body. It was as though all of his warmth and energy had been stolen away. He lumbered over to his bed and wrapped himself tightly in the fluffy white blankets, exhausted. 

Ryan usually prided himself on having an extremely warm and comfortable bed, but for some reason, no matter how much he tossed and turned, he couldn’t stop feeling like shit. Not wanting to upset his stomach again from moving too much, he stopped where he was. Pulling his limbs close to his body, he just laid there, trying to block everything out. 

His ear twitched at the sound of tiny clicks against the hardwood floors that were coming closer to his bed. He smiled, the bed dipped slightly in front of him, and warm breaths fell on his face.

“Hey, Buddy.” Ryan smiled weakly.

Buddy licked at the salty tears that had trailed down Ryan’s cheeks, before lying down next to him. Ryan lifted the covers briefly, pulling Buddy in, and enveloping them both. He pulled the warm dog closer to him, and they both soon fell asleep. 

Over the next few days, Ryan shut himself out from the world completely. He didn’t record anything, he didn’t post anything, he didn’t talk to anybody, he didn’t even leave his house. He was sure his friends had been trying to talk to him, but he had yet to build up the courage to turn on his phone or his computer. All he did was sit on the couch with Buddy watching Netflix, and beat himself up over what had happened. Everytime his thoughts turned to the notion of people knowing his face, the feelings would return.

He was sick more than once.

While he hadn’t looked at any social media since, his mind had gone ahead and figured out every worst case scenario in full detail for him anyways.

He was feeling extremely guilty for the way he had acted on the phone. He didn’t get angry like that, it just wasn’t him. Sure, he’s gotten pissed off at people playing video games, and shit, but he didn’t actually mean it. This time, however, he had full on yelled at a somebody. He could recall the rage he’d felt during that moment, and it scared him. He knew he was just taking out his emotions on her, and that wasn’t fair. 

While it was also her fault for sending it and her friend’s fault for posting it, Ryan knew it was actually himself to blame. He was the one who had carelessly let her take the photo. He was the one who didn’t wear his mask. He was the one who had wanted to go to the zoo. He was the one who allowed anybody to see his face in the first place. 

He was the one who decided to go to E3.

It was saturday, and Ryan was sitting on his couch, watching a documentary about meerkats and eating a bowl of ramen noodles that were balanced in his lap. He knew he would have to go out for groceries eventually, but for now he was fine with the non perishables he had stocked in his apartment. Maybe he was being paranoid, but you never knew who you might run into at a store.

His phone rang, and Ryan was about to ignore it, when he realised it was his landline. He knew that nobody from YouTube knew that number, so he picked it up.

“Hey, Ryan!” came Nancy’s happy voice.

“Oh. Hi, Nancy.” Ryan said, as he sat up, setting his noodles down on the coffee table. “What’s up?”

“I was just wondering if you were still up for taking Dave to the park today? Dave’s been pestering me about it all week, you know.”

Ryan blinked. He’d completely forgotten about that. “Uhh, yeah, sure. What time were you thinking?”

“Well, I’m about to pick him up from soccer practice, and I know he’ll want to eat after, so maybe in around two hours?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Ryan said, picking up the remote and turning off the tv. “Are you sure you don’t wanna come with us?”

“No way! Are you kidding me?” she laughed, “Dave is one of the shyest boys I’ve ever encountered. God knows he needs practice talking with an adult besides me. He thinks you’re the coolest thing, since sliced bread, Ryan. He’s been very vocal about how excited he is every time he gets to hang out with you. He hasn’t outright said it, but I know he doesn’t want his uncool mom there interfering.”

Ryan laughed, “I’m ‘cool’ huh? Dunno about that.” How cool is it for a grown-ass man to become a depressed paranoid shut in after one stupid post on twitter? “As long as you’re both fine with it, I guess. I’ll be by to pick him up in two hours.” 

“Fantastic! Oh, and Ryan?”

“Yeah?”

“Take care of yourself, alright?” Nancy said, and Ryan could hear the hint of worry in her voice.

He blinked, looking down at himself. He was shirtless, wearing the same pair of sweatpants he’d been wearing since Tuesday, sitting in a dark room and eating ramen. He knew his eyes were red from lack of sleep and from crying, his beard was growing a little wild, and his hair was sticking up in every direction. Not to mention he hadn’t left the house or talked to anybody for days. How the fuck had she known he wasn’t taking care of himself? Must be those damn… mother instincts.

“Will do.” he chuckled, trying not to give anything away in his voice.

“See you then, Ryan.” 

“See ya.” Ryan responded, and gently placed the phone on the base unit, before standing up. He quickly started getting ready.

The first thing he did, was finish his noodles, then feed Buddy, and hop in the shower. It felt good to get rid of the grime that had been building up over the past few days. After he stepped out onto the cool tiled floor, he wrapped a towel around his waist and stepped in front of the mirror. He quickly set about trimming his shaggy looking beard. It always bothered him when it wasn’t neat.

Ryan was looking better already. His eyes still had pretty dark circles under them, but he would just have to hope they don’t notice. He walked over to his room and looked around for something that would be presentable enough to make him look like he wasn’t a gross weirdo who was too scared to face his problems. Unfortunately all of his fancy clothes weren’t really suited for going to the park in the middle of summer. He sighed, and grabbed a plain black t-shirt and basketball shorts. 

He quickly shoved his wallet in his pocket, and hooked buddy up to a leash. Feeling ready to leave, he stepped towards the door. Before he put on his shoes, he decided to grab his phone at the last minute. He unplugged it from the charger, but didn’t dare to turn it on, not ready to deal with everything yet.

Ryan locked the door behind him and Buddy, and began making his way over to his neighbours. He knocked on the door, and was surprised when it was answered by Dave, almost immediately.

“Hey, Dave!” Ryan smiled.

Dave looked up at Ryan with wide eyes and smiled as well. “Mom!” he called out over his shoulder, “Ryan’s here! Can we go?”

Ryan raised his eyebrows. That was probably the loudest he’d ever heard Dave.

Nancy came into view and planted a kiss on the top of Dave’s head. “Sure sweetie!” 

Dave whined, rubbing his head and glancing at Ryan, who only chuckled.

“Would you mind calling me when you’re thinking of getting back?” Nancy asked, turning to Ryan.

“Sure thing, Nancy. We shouldn’t be out for too long.” Ryan said.

“Oh, by all means, be out for long! I’d love some time with this one out of my hair!” Nancy laughed, patting Dave on the back.

Nancy made sure Dave had a good grip on Shiba’s leash before they took off down the street. There was a definite spring in Dave’s step as they walked along.

“So, Dave,” Ryan said, chuckling at how happy the kid looked at being addressed by him, “what grade are you in now?”

“I just finished the fifth grade!” he said excitedly.

“So… that makes you, what? Ten?” Ryan asked.

“No. I’m eleven!” he said, sounding very proud.

“Wow,” Ryan raised his eyebrows, “already?” He remembered when Nancy had moved in a few years ago. Dave had been tiny, and too shy to say anything to anybody. He was still pretty quiet, but he was getting better. Ryan didn’t get a whole lot of chances to talk to him, but he was always very polite.

“How old are you?” Dave asked.

“Oh geez,” Ryan rubbed the back of his neck, “too old.” It was crazy to think that he was closer to being forty than he was to twenty.

“Why do adults always say that?” Dave murmured. 

The two of them arrived at the park, which wasn’t extremely large, and only had a handful of people. Ryan made sure that Dave never wandered too close to the sketchy woman sitting at a park bench by the train tracks sipping a 2 litre bottle of Pepsi max. Her beady little eyes followed their dogs every move, but eventually, she got up and left, her half finished pepsi max forgotten on the bench.

Shiba sprinted in circles around Buddy, who was getting to be old for a dog. Despite the age difference, both dogs were having a great time. Dave probably would have been running around with them, but having just been at soccer practice, he seemed a little tired. When the dogs needed to cool down a little, Ryan gave them some water from a fountain, and they all went to sit at a picnic table in the shade. 

“Are you sick?” Dave asked.

Ryan blinked, surprised at the question. “No, I’m not sick. Why do you ask?”

Dave shrugged. “Well, I haven’t seen you in days, and your eyes look sleepy and you seem… like it hurts.”

Ryan sighed, “Well, yeah. I guess that’s kinda true. I’m not sick, though.”

Dave tilted his head, before acting as though he realised something. “Oh, are you just sad, then? Like Mom?”

“Like Nancy? What do you mean?” Ryan asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Well, Mom doesn’t think I’ve noticed, but all the other moms in the neighbourhood talk about her. They look at her differently too. Everybody thinks family is so important, and they don’t get why my Dad isn’t with us. Mom tries to pretend she doesn’t, but she gets sad.”

Ryan was shocked. “Really? But Nancy is so nice! I don’t get why…”

“I don’t get it either, but it’s the same way they talk about how you aren’t married yet.” Dave said quietly.

“Huh?” 

“So, what is making you sad?” Dave asked, changing the subject.

Ryan sighed, unsure how to answer such a question. “It’s… complicated.” 

“Well, could you explain as best you can?”

Ryan pursed his lips, trying to think of a way to explain without revealing himself. Unfortunately, he wasn’t feeling very creative. “Okay, so… my friend is a YouTuber-”

Dave raised his eyebrows, “Wow, really? That’s awesome!”

“Yeah, and he’s been doing YouTube for over ten years. But the thing is, he’s never shown his face.” Ryan continued, noticing how Dave seemed really interested. “He’d never even shown his face to his best friends. Then, on a whim, he decided to go to E3-”

“E3? So your friend’s a gaming YouTuber, then?”

“Yeah, he is. And while he was there, his friends from YouTube found him and saw his face. He was terrified, obviously, but as he spent more time with them, he was finally happy. Much happier than he’d been before.”

“That’s great!” Dave said, before furrowing his brow. “But why would that make you sad?”

Ryan ran a hand through his hair. He was getting to the hard part of the story.

“Well, my friend ran into one of his fans while he was in LA. They recognised him, but because he was so happy, he wasn't scared of her. He… he made a mistake.”

“What do you mean?”

“He let her take a picture with him. He trusted her.”

Dave was silent for a minute, before asking “So she leaked the photo?”

Ryan was starting to feel tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. He tried to act like he was fine, not wanting Dave to see him cry.

“Yeah, she sent the photo to her friend, and her friend posted it.” Ryan said, a slight quiver in his voice. “And- and since then I don’t know what to do. I’m-I’m scared to go outside because I don’t want anyone to see me. I haven’t uploaded anything and I don’t want to go online and face the fact that everybody has seen my fa-” Ryan paused, “I mean… my friend’s face. That’s what he told me.”

Dave was quiet when Ryan finished. Ryan let his face fall into his hands as he started slipping back into the anxieties from the previous days. He jumped slightly when he felt small arms wrapped around his torso. 

“I’m sorry, Ryan.” Dave said, patting his back, “you shouldn’t’ve had to go through that.”

Ryan chuckled, knowing the whole ‘my friend’ charade was up. “I’m sorry too, Dave. I-I didn’t mean to make this all about me. I don’t wanna push all of my problems onto you.”

“It’s fine, Ryan. It sounds like you haven’t had a chance to talk about it with anyone else. I have a hard time talking to people too. So does Mom.”

“What? But she talks to people all the time!”

“Maybe, but it’s never what she really needs to talk about. She never talks about herself.”

They sat there in silence, watching Buddy and Shiba gnawing on a large stick, and digesting the conversation.

“So? What are you going to do?” Dave asked, after a while.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, now that your photo is leaked, what is your plan? Can you pretend it’s fake?”

Ryan scratched his chin in thought, “I wish, but that won’t work.”

“Why not?”

“Because Luke is in the photo too, and he’s already revealed his face. I mean, I guess I could say it’s edited, but…”

“Luke? Another YouTuber?”

“Yeah, one of my best friends.” Ryan said, only half paying attention, “I mean, maybe I could have played it off as fake straight away, but I’ve made myself look really suspicious by ignoring everyone for days. Damn it.” Ryan rubbed his face, “Sorry. Bad word.”

“Hmm. So, they’re all fairly certain that it’s you in the photo?” Dave inquired, unconcerned at the word.

“Unfortunately. At least, I think. I don’t know what my other friends have been telling people. They probably would have helped me if I hadn’t shut them out.”

After considering everything Ryan had told him, Dave spoke up, “You know what I think you should do?”

“What?”

“Make a face reveal.”

“What?” Ryan exclaimed. “No way!”

“Well, what’s the other option? Quit YouTube and never talk to anyone again?”

“I mean…”

“Hear me out, okay? From what you’ve told me, you were really happy when you were able to show your face around your friends, right? Even though you were really scared and didn’t want to?”

“Yeah… but this is-”

“It’s not different! I think you’ll be happy if you don’t have to worry about all this anymore. Besides, if you make a face reveal, you will be completely in control of it. You can explain everything to your fans on your terms, instead of some leaked photo.”

Ryan considered it. He thought back to his conversation with Luke before he had introduced himself to the guys. ‘If you keep pretending you’re somebody else now, you’ll just be lyin’ to em, and they’ll know you were lyin’ to them if you ever decide you want to show your face to them in the future.’ as Luke had said.

He didn’t want to do it, but then, he hadn’t wanted to show himself to his friends either, and that ended up working out. Besides, what other option did he have?

“I-I’ll do it.” Ryan finally said. 

“Nice.” Dave said, then, after a moment, “Can we get ice cream?”

Ryan and Dave walked the dogs a little further down the street to an ice cream vendor and picked up two cones. They started heading back, much to Dave’s dismay, and Ryan remembered something.

“I’m gonna call your mom real quick, let her know we're on our way back.” Ryan said, and they stopped at a nearby bench and tied the dogs’ leads. 

With his ice cream in one hand, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and held the power button. While he was waiting for the device to boot up, he sat down next to Dave on the bench. His eyes widened as he read that he had just under a hundred missed calls and hundreds of texts. 

He ate another mouthful of ice cream, careful to not get any in his beard, and clicked on his contacts. He was scrolling down to the ‘N’ section, when his phone’s speaker started playing ‘Oh ho ho, it’s magic!’. He stared at the number on his screen, thumb hovering between the ‘accept’ and ‘decline’ buttons.

“Who’s that?” Dave asked.

“It’s her… the one who sent my photo to her friend.”

Dave looked at the phone for a second, then reached over and quickly tapping the ‘accept’ then ‘speaker’ buttons before Ryan could say anything.

“Why?” Ryan exclaimed, almost dropping his ice cream.

“Ohm! You finally picked up! I’ve been trying to reach you for days!”

“Ohm? Is that your YouTube name, Ryan? I’m so gonna look you up!” Dave asked with a grin.

“N-no! You’re still too young for my videos!” Ryan sputtered, “There’s swearing and violent games and stuff!”

“Awesome!” Dave beamed.

“No! Your mom will kill me!”

“Ohm, is that… do you have a son?” she interrupted from the phone. 

“What? No! Dave is my neighbour!” Ryan exclaimed, overwhelmed with the conversation. His ice cream trickled down onto his hand and he yelped, slamming his thumb onto his phone and hanging up.

“You hung up on her?” Dave asked.

“Yes! I didn’t mean too…” Ryan said, in between bites of his ice cream, “Should I call her back?”

“Yes!” Dave exclaimed, “I wanted to talk to her!”

Ryan quickly finished off his ice cream and rubbed his hands on his shorts. He picked up the phone and tapped on her contact. After just a couple seconds of ringing, she picked up.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hang up like that.” Ryan said sheepishly. 

“I-it’s okay,” she said, sounding confused, “I’ve just been really worried about you! I mean, the other day when we were on the phone you sounded so…”

“Yeah, I threw up.” Ryan admitted. He smirked a bit at the horrified expression Dave’s face took on at that confession.

“You threw up?” she gasped, “Oh god, I’m so sorry. Was it because of that wretched photo? Because of me… I know, it’s my fault. You have no idea how much I regret sending that photo. I’ve been feeling so guilty all week…”

“You should!” Dave said angrily, “You’re the one who shared it! Ryan threw up and everything! He’s been so sad-”

“It’s fine, Dave! Really, I’ve already forgiven her.” 

“You have?” she interrupted, sounding relieved. 

“I… yeah. I mean, if it’s anybody’s fault, it’s mine.” Ryan said sadly.

“What? No way! I blame myself completely! And of course… ” she said, and Ryan, could hear the sneer in her voice, “... Jenna. But, nevermind who’s to blame, how are you, Ohm? Are you, like, okay?”

“Yeah,” Ryan said, to himself as much as to her, “I’m doing alright. I think I’m gonna start working on videos again today.”

“Really? That’s great!” she said, “Um, you know how you were gonna have me do some thumbnails for you? Is that still…” 

Ryan blinked, honestly, he’d kind of forgotten about that. He thought back to the drawing she’d shown him, and smiled a bit. “Yeah, sure. I’ll let you know when I need one. But right now, I gotta go. I guess… I’ll call you back later?”

“Great! I’ll talk to you then! Goodbye, Ohm! You too.... Dave, was it?”

“Bye!” Dave and Ryan said, before they hung up.

“Maybe she isn’t so bad after all.” Dave said, “What did you say her name was?”

“Yeah, it’s-” Ryan blinked. He had no idea. “Uhhhh…”

Dave burst out laughing. “After all that, you don’t even know what her name is? Didn’t she tell you when you met?”

“No, she didn’t! Fu-” Ryan glanced at Dave, “-geez! I-I’ll be sure to figure it out the next time I talk to her. I feel really dumb though.”

“I guess introductions can be weird if the person you’re meeting already knows you.” Dave said thoughtfully.

Ryan quickly called Nancy, and Dave, him, and their dogs made their way back. Nancy opened the door with a wide smile, and a flour covered apron tied around her waist.

“Hey guys!” she smiled, “Did you all have fun at the park?”

“I sure did!” Dave said happily. “Thanks for taking me, Ryan.”

Ryan raised his eyebrows. “No need to thank me,” he said, “Dave here just about gave me a free therapy session. Kid’s a very good listener.”

“That so?” Nancy laughed, “Well, I’m glad you two had fun!”

Ryan said goodbye to Dave, Nancy, and Shiba, before walking Buddy back to his apartment.

He quickly went to the bathroom, and as he was washing his hands, he glanced up at himself in the mirror.

He eyes still looked a little tired, but the dark circles under his eyes had faded considerably. He entertained the thought of changing his shirt or something, but figured it wouldn’t make much of a difference. He plopped down in his comfortable chair and spun himself until he was facing his desk.

He stared at the webcam that was perched innocently at the top of his monitor, which had been collecting dust. Before he did anything, he pulled out his phone and started reading his many texts. 

Luke, Brock, Tyler, Daithi, Marcel, Craig, and Evan obviously, but even more from friends who had never seen him in real life as well. Delirious, SMii7Y, Bryce, Kryoz, Fourzero, Gorilla, Terrorizer, Jiggly, Satt, Jay, Droid, Minx, Ze, Nanners, Chilled, and Momo to name a few. Felix even sent him a message, and they hadn’t talked in years. They all expressed their concern and their willingness to help. Ryan felt like crying after reading all of their kind words, and wished he hadn’t kept his phone off. Some of this support and advice could have been super helpful.

Delirious in particular was very sympathetic, for obvious reasons. He alone sent Ryan enough texts to keep him scrolling for ages to find their beginning. 

Since he was still working up the nerve to start his newest video, Ryan decided to call one of his friends first. After the lack of contact for the past few days, he couldn't help but miss them. He tapped the call button, and held the phone against his ear. 

The phone rang several times, then was picked up.

“Hello?” came Delirious’ sleepy voice.

“Hey, Delirious. How you doing, man? I hope I didn’t wake you up...” Ryan chuckled.

“Oh, no, it’s fine. I was just having a little nap.” he said, then was quiet for a second. “Wait. Ohm?”

“Yeah?”

“Ohm! It’s you!” Delirious yelled, “I-I-I-wha-how are you man? Are you alright?” 

“I’m feeling better now. I’m sorry about this week, I’ve kinda been, uh, isolating myself. I guess.” Ryan said, “Thanks for all your texts, man, it meant a lot.”

“Man, I was fuckin’- I was worried about you, Ohm! I mean, you weren’t posting any videos and nobody else heard from you… I mean, I know I’d be damn- I’d be fucked if that happened to me. I’m sorry that you had- that you- that it-” Delirious paused to restart, “I’m sorry, man.”

“Thanks, Delirious.” 

“You know, Cartoonz and I were fully prepared to help play it off as fake, but we didn’t want to do anything without consummating with you first.”

“The fuck?” Ryan laughed, “Gross, dude! Pretty sure the word you’re looking for is ‘consulting’, cuz I’m gonna go ahead and never consummate with you and Luke.”

“Right, consulting… what the fuck is consummating, then?” Delirious asked. After a moment of silence, Ryan heard the buttons of a keyboard and a few clicks, “Oh god! Yeah, that’s definitely not what I meant.” Delirious said, laughing loudly.

“I’d hope not.” Ryan laughed, “But actually, I’m really grateful for all your support through this.”

“No problem, man. I still feel damn guilty about it. I mean, I saw your damn… your face! I swear I didn’t mean to, Ohm. I just opened up twitter and BAM!” Delirious exclaimed, smacking something loudly for emphasis, “There was the photo. I closed the tab as soon as I saw it, Ohm! I shut my damn eyeballs and everything. I wanna respect your privacy, man.”

“That’s actually… really thoughtful. Thank you man. I mean, I don’t mind at all if you’ve seen my face, you’re one of my best friends! My problem is that all my fans have seen it before I decided to show them. You know?”

“I know, but I still didn’t look at it enough to really know your face anyways. If I see it, I want it to be because you wanted me to.” Delirious said.

“Well, about that… I’m actually going to make an oficial face reveal video.” Ryan said casually.

“What?” Delirious asked in a low voice.

“Today.”

“What?!” Delirious shouted.

Ryan chuckled nervously, “Yeah, that’s how I’m feeling too, actually. I’m kinda putting it off by calling you right now.”

“But you- you’re gonna- that’s damn-” Delirious sputtered, “You’re gonna make a damn face reveal? C-can’t you just say the photo’s a fake or something?”

“We both know that wouldn’t work, Delirious. Everyone would figure it out. Why would I stop YouTube for days and not give any updates to my fans if it was fake? Besides, they’d know I was lying if I ever wanted to do a face reveal in the future.” Ryan sighed, “I’ve given it a lot of thought and, unfortunately, this seems to be my best option if I want to continue doing YouTube. I gotta be honest.”

“Wow…” Delirious said, still shocked, “I just can’t believe you’re gonna make one after all this time, man. It’ll be crazy to put a face to your voice.”

“You know, Delirious, I really wish you had been on that trip with us.” Ryan admitted.

“Yeah, but you know why I can’t…”

“I know, I know. But,” Ryan scratched his chin, “I wish you could have seen me before all this. I feel horrible that I couldn’t show my face to you and all my friends who weren’t in LA before that fucking photo was leaked.”

“It’s not your fault, man.” Delirious said.

“Hey, Delirious?”

“Yeah?”

“You wanna, like, do a Skype call, or some shit?”

“I… huh?”

“Well, I was thinkin’, maybe I could show my face to you, real quick.” Ryan suggested.

“Really? Are- are you sure?”

“Yeah, man. It’ll be like practice for the face reveal, or something. Besides, I kind of want you to see it before the fans and stuff.” Ryan smiled, before quickly adding, “I mean, you don’t have to show me your face, obviously.”

“You know what?” Delirious said, “Sure.”

They said quick goodbyes, then Ryan turned on his webcam and opened Skype. With some hesitation, he clicked on Delirious’ contact then the video call button. While the call was connecting, he wrung his hands, and pulled Buddy into his lap, for moral support.

Finally, the call went through, and Ryan saw a large black window with a smaller video feed of himself in the corner.

“Is, uh, is it working?” he asked nervously.

“Yeah, man.” Delirious said quietly, “Hi, Ohm.”

“Hi, Delirious.” Ryan chuckled. “So, yeah. This is my face.”

“It’s a good face, man.” Delirious laughed, “I’m doing my best to memorize it.”

After chatting for a while longer, they ended the call when Delirious needed to take a shit. Ryan was feeling a lot better after the call, but his nerves returned when he remembered what he had to do next.

He quickly set Buddy down and made sure the lighting was as good as he could get it, before going back to his desk. He felt kind of bad. The video quality was going to be relatively shitty, considering he’d never really invested in a good camera or lighting equipment. He’d never had the need to until now.

The video would not be very professional, as his ‘YouTube office’ was also his bedroom. His bed was visible from the camera, but Ryan didn’t give a shit enough to tidy up the unruly sheets. He figured his fans’ eyes would likely be elsewhere anyways.

He started a new recording, and took a few seconds to breath before he started, knowing he could just edit it out later. Finally, he turned to look straight at the webcam and began to speak.

“Hey, guys. It’s Ohmwrecker here, and this is, I guess, my face.” Ryan said, gesturing with his hand. He chuckled awkwardly, fully aware of the uncomfortable delivery. He couldn’t think of any way to do this without being awkward, at least at first, so he rolled with it.

“I’m sure most of you have already seen it, but for those of you who don’t know, this photo,” he pointed to the empty space next to him where he would edit the photo in post, “has been circulating twitter. It is, in fact, a real photo of me and Cartoonz with a fan. It's not a fake, unfortunately. If it wasn’t already obvious, I did not want this photo to have been released. So when I found out that it had been- It’s been… hard, for me these past few days.”

At this point, Buddy was looking up at Ryan expectantly from the floor, so he picked him back up and pulled him into a hug.

“It’s been hard. I’m sure you noticed the lack of uploads, and stuff. Now, I don’t want anyone to go harassing the fan in the photo, cuz she’s apologised profusely already, and it wasn’t even her fault.” Ohm sighed, “I’m the one who let all this happen. This was the first and only time a fan has ever recognized me. I was in a good mood at the time, it was right after the zoo vlog, so I let her take a photo. She said she wouldn’t post it so I wasn’t concerned. Please bear in mind, she did not post the photo.”

Ryan sighed, and took a moment to work out what to say next.

“So, I know a lot of you guys were really interested in what I look like, so I hope the real thing’s not too disappointing. I know sometimes it’s better to stay ambiguous, so that people can imagine your face however they’d like. That’s not why I kept my face secret, though. For me, I wanted people to watch my content for my personality, and nothing else. I didn’t think my face was relevant. I still don’t. But that’s not the only reason.”

“I was- I’m paranoid that people will like, find out where I live, or who I am, or some shit. I wanted to keep 'Ohmwrecker' separate from me. This?” Ryan waved his hand in front of his face, “This is Ryan. This is just another regular guy, and I was worried that you guys might not… like it. I know it’s stupid, but it’s what I felt. I mean, I was so worried someone might recognize my voice, I couldn’t even imagine my face being known to the public.”

Buddy climbed up Ryan’s chest and gave him a lick on the jaw. Ryan smiled, grateful to have the moral support.

“So, if you see me in real life, I guess you can say ‘hi’ or whatever, just don’t go looking for my apartment or some shit. Please.” Ryan chuckled, “So yeah. I guess that’s about it. I don’t know if I’m gonna do any face cam videos or anything. I don’t really think it’s necessary to see my face while I’m playing, but I guess I can try it out and see if you guys like it.”

Ryan paused, trying to think of a good way to wrap it up, “I’m sorry if this video is super short and shit quality. I don’t have a script, the lighting is fucked and the camera is from years ago. I might get better equipment if I wanna do any more live stuff. I don’t know yet. But, anyways, that’s all I got for you. I’ll be getting back to making regular gameplay videos tomorrow, so don’t worry. And guys, take it easy on me in the comments. Bye.”

Ryan reached over and ended the recording. He sighed and began the editing process.

Several tedious hours later, it was ready. He uploaded it to YouTube, and turned off his computer. He usually liked to check the comments and respond to a few a little while after posting a video, but this time, he felt a little different. He wanted to let it sink in for a while, and check the response the next day. Even though it was only around 8 in the evening, Ryan was exhausted, and decided to turn in early. He filled Buddy’s bowl with kibble, used the toilet, brushed his teeth, and made his way back to his room. He stripped to his boxers and climbed into his bed, wrapping himself in blanket after fuzzy blanket. After only a few minutes, his fatigue outweighed his nerves, and his eyelids slipped shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funny how I ended up finishing this exactly one month from the last update, huh? I actually wrote the bulk of this in a couple of days and then kept being unhappy, losing inspiration, and touching it up every once in a while. I'm still not sure how I feel about this chapter. 
> 
> I wanna make it clear that this story is not at all planned and is very stream of consciousness, meaning I'm open to hear people's suggestions. Some of you may have noticed the inclusion of Delirious in this chapter, which was suggested in the comments a couple times.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed reading so far, and I'll do my best to update again soon! Hopefully it won't be longer than a month.
> 
> Let me know if there's any mistakes I missed, any suggestions you have, and what you think of the story so far in the comments!
> 
> Comments are appreciated!
> 
> See ya :)


	5. Chapter 5

Ryan swung his feet off the edge of the bed and planted them firmly on the cold hardwood floor. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes and scratched his head. He felt like he was forgetting something.

After making a quick visit to the bathroom, he stepped into the kitchen. He turned on his electric kettle, and stood by the window while the water boiled. He looked out onto the street, seeing if anybody was walking a dog and watching the cars pass. The sun was still very low in the sky, only barely tinting the clouds with a subtle warm glow. A small snort from the corner of the room reminded him of Buddy’s presence. He filled Buddy’s bowl with some food and squatted next to his bed, patting him on the back. 

Ryan stood up at the click of the kettle. He dropped a tea bag into a mug and filled it with the boiling water. After adding in a small amount of milk, he raised the mug to his face and took a careful sip. That’s when it hit him.

His expression went blank as he remembered the previous day. The face reveal.

Ryan calmly walked back into his room and sat down, setting the tea carefully on his desk. He cracked his knuckles absentmindedly while the computer booted up. He opened Google Chrome as fast as he could. His mouse hesitated a moment before opening YouTube. 

Did he have to do this? Did he really have to look at it? He could just forget about the whole thing and never log onto YouTube again if he wanted. He could find a job, stay off the internet, and never think of it again. He’d never learn what people thought of his face.

But Ryan knew he knew he wouldn’t do that. He couldn’t. Not after everything. Not after the years he’d put into it, the progress his channel had made, and the friends he’d met because of it. He’d come so far since his League of Legends days, he couldn’t possibly give all of it up. 

He knew he had to keep making videos, it was in his nature. He also knew he would have to address the elephant in the room sooner or later. 

He took his hand off of the mouse. On second thought, maybe later would be better after all. He was sure he was being silly, but decided to just... come back to it. He wanted to be completely ready. 

Ryan walked back to the window, standing there and sipping his tea. Once he downed the lot of it, he decided he’d go out for breakfast. He really needed to get more fresh air from time to time, and playing video games full time for a career didn’t really leave much room for it. He threw on some sweatpants and a hoodie, as even though it’s summer, in the mornings it’s still a little chilly. He’d be home before the sun got too late in the day. 

He grabbed his phone and wallet, and headed to the front door.

After tying Buddy to a lead and slipping on some shoes, he went outside onto his front step. He couldn’t help but stare at the sky. Unlike Brock, he’d never been much of an early bird. Recently his sleep schedule and his upload schedule had been equally fucked. While sunsets weren’t something unfamiliar to Ryan, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen a sunrise. Oranges and pinks and purples painted the clouds, with a hot white spot in the middle, peeking out from behind the Chicago cityscape. He wasn’t sure how long he stood there staring, but he was pulled back to reality as Buddy tugged on the lead, impatiently.

“Alright, Buddy. Let’s go.”

He set out walking at a brisk pace, as fast as Buddy was able to keep up with. Ryan didn’t have a destination in mind, but he knew there were enough options in the area to make a decision. He enjoyed the feeling of the fresh morning air filling his lungs and the quiet sounds of the city waking up. After just over ten minutes of walking, he slowed to a stop in front of a small deli. Thankfully it was opened early.

Ryan stepped inside, the door brushing against a small bell. A man came to the counter from the back room at the ‘ding’. 

“Good morning, sir.” Ryan said, stepping towards the counter. Buddy sniffed at his feet and he suddenly realised that dogs might not be allowed in here. 

“It is, isn’t it?” said the old man, eyes crinkling as he smiled at the window. “A beautiful morning.”

If he wasn't going to say anything about Buddy, Ryan wasn’t going to complain. 

“What can I get for you, young man?”

Ryan’s eyes rose to the chalkboard menu on the wall behind the man, and hummed. He looked at the variety of sandwiches that were available, with all types of meats, breads, and toppings. A few minutes after placing his order, he thanked the man, and stepped toward the door. He had to tug on Buddy’s leash to coax him away from the smell of meat, but pretty soon they were on their way. 

Ryan plopped down on a park bench, tying Buddy to the armrest, and set to work on his sandwich. He sat and ate and listened to the sounds of the leaves rustling over his head. The nice morning was putting him in a good mood, but the inevitability of having to check the feedback of face reveal weighed on him.

Unfortunately, he took longer than anticipated, and the sun had risen as he ate the remnants of his sandwich. Ryan felt a sheen of sweat begin to form on his face. His hoodie was feeling more and more uncomfortable, and he wished he’d worn something underneath so he’d be able to take it off and not be shirtless. He sighed. To cool down, he unzipped the hoodie. He wasn’t really comfortable with having his chest visible like this, but he figured few people would be out and about this early anyways. 

Ryan smiled as he rounded the street corner and his apartment came into view. He let out a sigh of relief as he closed the door behind him, immediately taking off the hoodie and letting the cool air envelop him. He unhooked Buddy’s leash and fell onto the couch.

Ryan stared at the ceiling, getting his thoughts together. He knew he couldn’t keep stalling for long. He was running out of excuses. He sighed and went back to his computer, steeling himself. 

Ryan opened YouTube and went to his most recent video. Trying to avoid looking at any feedback for as long as possible, he immediately full screened the video, obscuring all of the statistics from his view. He sat back, ready to watch the whole thing with fresh eyes. He wanted to look at it objectively, as if the guy in the video was someone else. It started playing.

As the intro music faded, and the face on screen appeared and began it’s monologue, Ryan cringed a little. 

The most obvious issue was the quality. Since he was using the same mic as always, the audio was about the only thing that wasn’t fucked. The video was only a few minutes long. Way shorter than normal. The delivery of the lines was also very nervous and it was obvious that it was unscripted.

Despite all this, Ryan thought the video served its purpose well enough. You could still see all his facial features decently, even with the shit camera he’d used, and he explained the situation in a way that somewhat made sense. This wasn’t a video he was proud of in terms of editing, but he knew that this had to be done and at least he went through with it.

His eyebrows shot up as he exited fullscreen. The video had only been up for less than 12 hours, and it was doing better than some videos that had been up for weeks. While he was pleased at the number of views and likes, it was nerve wracking at the same time. So many people had seen him at such a vulnerable moment, and that number would only keep going up the more time passed. 

Ryan knew it was time to look at the comments, the part he’d been worrying about. He scrolled just enough to click on the newest first option. He wasn’t ready to read the top comments yet. He scrolled down, swallowing his nerves and read the first thing he saw.

“I’m not gay, but I’d let Ohm eat my ass.”

Ryan blinked at the text on the screen. He sat in silence for a few beats of silence, before bursting into laughter. He dropped his head into his hand, exhaling sharply in relief. He was an idiot.

Of course. Of course that was the comment. Just some goofy gay shit. Why the fuck had Ryan ever expected anything different? His fans were still the same people, and their personalities wouldn't change over something like this. The inner corners of his eyebrows rose slightly. Why did he always work himself up like this? Over nothing?

Ryan felt a calm wash over him as he sat there staring at that gay comment. Thinking back, everything he was worried about over the past two weeks had turned out to be completely fine. Going to E3 was fun. Meeting his friends was amazing. Everybody supported him when his photo was leaked, and it was looking like his face reveal was well received. He was starting to realize that he should probably stop being such an anxious pessimistic bastard and relax a little. 

He liked the comment, and replied with “If you have to add a ‘but’ at the end of ‘I’m not gay’ then you’re probably pretty gay, but I’m not complaining ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)” 

Feeling pretty good after reading that first comment, Ryan mustered the courage to scroll a little, and see what else people had to say. He smirked as he read more and more of the newest comments, most of which were varying degrees of sexual.

“Oh no he's hot”

“Fuckin hell, he’s as attractive as his voice”

“Dick length reveal next?”

Ryan was pleased at the slew of positive, albeit a little pervy, comments. A surprising amount of the comments were just people who didn't know his name was ‘Ryan’, despite him having said it in several videos.

Unfortunately, he received his fair share of negative feedback as well. This was no surprise. Ryan obviously knew that every video he posted to the internet was subject to criticism. What he hadn’t anticipated was that it felt a bit more personal to be insulted based on his appearance and character instead of just his voice or how he played video games. Most of these comments were just petty insults, but some in particular struck a little closer to home.

“No wonder he wanted to keep his face hidden XD this ugly fucker’s channel would never have gotten so big without the mysterious ‘masked gamer’ bullshit haha”

Ryan pursed his lips at this one. He’d kept his face hidden so that people wouldn't have anything distracting them from the gameplay. All he wanted was for people to watch him for his personality alone. He’d never considered that his audience was only interested in him because of their curiosity about his face. 

Ryan tried to relax. He couldn’t let a couple of critical comments affect him this much. He continued reading.

“The gross mothefucker in his mom’s basement haha”

“What fake bich pritending to be all emoshional smh it’s obvious a publicity stunt”

“Look at the bright side at least ther’s still hope that Deilirius isn't ugly as fuck in real life lmao”

Ryan sighed. He knew these were just assholes who didn’t have anything better to do. Nothing was going to change just because a couple of people online didn’t like him. It made him feel a little better to see how most of his negative comments seemed to have abysmal spelling and grammar. 

After perusing a little further in the recent comments, Ryan decided that he was ready to see the top comments. The popular opinions. A click later, he began to read.

“Ohm, I can honestly say that I would continue watching your videos for as long as you made them even if you never made a face reveal. I don’t know if this is weird, but you feel almost like an older brother or close friend to me at this point. Watching your content feels like I’m hanging out with you, and you’ve gone a long way in improving my happiness and general well being. That being said, it is really cool to start seeing who you are in real life as well. If you never decide to show your face again, I would respect that decision, but I think you should know that there’s no reason to fear doing so. I support you and your channel no matter what. Thanks for all that you do. :)”

That was the top comment. It had several hundred likes. Several hundred people felt the same way. Ryan felt his face heat up. He’d felt like this many times before in his career, but every time felt like the first time he’d realised. He was actually making an impact.

It was difficult to make the connection between him making videos and people actually seeing them. It was so easy to forget that the view count wasn’t just how successful any given video was. That number represented people. People with unique lives and perspectives and experiences, and all of them had at least one thing in common; him. It was hard to imagine so many strangers all watching his videos, listening to his voice, and enjoying spending time with him. Every time he read a comment about how he had impacted or improved somebody’s life, a stranger’s life, it all felt more real. More tangible. Every time, it reminded him what all of the hard work, long hours, and stress was for. It reminded him that doing YouTube was more than just paying the bills.

Ryan liked a couple of the top comments, one of which was a classy less than three from Luke. He typed up a quick general comment in response, just thanking everyone for their support and letting them know he’d be back making videos as soon as possible. When he said ‘as soon as possible’, he meant, like, right now.

He knew he wanted to make a video. He hadn’t made one in such a long time. Well, it was really only a couple of days, and he did just make the face reveal, but still. He wanted to record something. What to record though? Darwin Project? Dead By Daylight? Friday the 13th? Or maybe...

Maybe rainbow six? But he would want to play that with someone else... 

He glanced over at the time. 7:30. A little early. Too early? Too early. He frowned. Well… 

Ryan pulled his phone out of his pocket and quickly entered the password. He went to his contacts, scrolled to the ‘L’ section and paused. His thumb hovered over the call button. Should he?

He shrugged. If Luke didn’t pick up he could just leave a message.

“Hah?”

“Luke, you’re up!” Ryan exclaimed. 

“Ryan?” Luke asked, “Y- I saw your video! How are you doing?”

“I’m,” Ryan blinked, “actually doing really well. Much better than I expected to be.”

He heard a relieved chuckle from Luke’s end of the phone. “You know, that seems to be an ongoing theme with you. Expecting things to go way worse than they actually do.”

“Yeah, I guess. I don’t know, I just…” Ryan trailed off.

“You almost seem to think that nobody likes you or some shit.” Luke said, “Lemme tell you something real quick, alright?”

“Yeah?” Ryan raised an eyebrow.

“People like you, Ryan. I don’t get why that’s hard for you to understand. You’re damn likeable. Anybody who isn’t a fuckin’ asshole isn’t going to hate you. You know why?”

“Why?” Ryan asked quietly.

“Because you don’t give people any damn reasons to hate you! You’re a good person, Ryan. Anybody who watches your videos or talks to you can see that. You understand me?”

“Yes, sir.” Ryan smirked uneasily. 

“Listen, man. I’m not tryna’ tell you how to like your life, but you need to stop putting yourself through this. You gotta stop expecting the worst possible outcome. I hate seeing one of my best friends go through so much… shit.”

“I mean, I already did a face reveal, so it shouldn’t be a problem anymore. Right?”

“Ryan, this is not the last time you’ll have to put yourself out there. We’re still young, man. Anything could happen from here on out. You’re telling me you’ll be cool as a damn cucumber no matter what? You worked yourself into a tizzy meeting people who have already been your friends for years, what will you do if you, say, meet a girl you like?”

Ryan blinked. He... hadn’t really thought of that.

“Or a boy, fuck, I ain’t judging.” Luke added, coyly.

“What!” Ryan squacked.

“I mean, shit, Ryan. I get it. There’s some men with some thick asses nowadays. Some big boys like me with big booties like mine...”

“Fuck you!” Ryan said with a chuckle.

“But, seriously, Ryan, you’ve got no reason to get so worked up about these things. You know that.”

Ryan did know that. He closed his eyes. What had happened? It seemed like he’d learned this a hundred times, but he always forgot it right when it mattered most. After he’d hung out with his friends in LA, he’d been happier than he’d ever been. He promised to himself then that he would change. 

Where did all of that self confidence and calm nature go when his photo was leaked? 

It was the same thing, over and over. Ryan thought back on his life, and realised it always went like that whenever he went out of his comfort zone. He’d retreat, panic, and get himself worked up before finally facing it and realising it was fine the whole time. 

Luke was right. Though it’s easier said than done, Ryan was going to have to break the cycle.

“Yeah, I’ll definitely keep that in mind.” Ryan finally said.

“Good.” Luke said, then after a beat “Wait, you’re the one who called me, right?”

Ryan raised his eyebrows, having forgotten that, himself. “Oh shit, you’re right.”

“Well? What the fuck do you want then?”

“Yeah, I was gonna ask you, do you wanna play with me?” Ryan said plainly.

He could hear Luke let out a chuckle from the other end of the phone.

“What?” Ryan demanded.

“You fuckin’ sounded about five years old right there.” Luke laughed, then in a high pitched voice “‘Would you like to go outside and play with me, little Billy? I, fuckin’, just got a new big wheel trike! I’m gonna ride around and shit, we can play baseball-’”

“Oh, fuck off!” Ryan laughed.

“I’m sorry, man. You just say the funniest shit sometimes. Yeah, though, I’d be down. What game were you thinking?”

“Siege, probably, but if you felt like anything else I’d be fine with that too. I’m just itching to record something. Do you think Delirious is awake?”

“Probably not, if I’m honest. That man’s hours are just as fucked as ever. But, I’m sure I could convince him to get up if we offer him the chance to play some Siege with two of the best players in the world!”

“Well, then we’d better find two.” Ryan said, then they both chuckled.

“Alright, I’mma call him now, but I’ll let you know on Discord when we’re ready, aight?”

“Sure, talk to ya soon, Luke.”

Ryan set the phone down on his desk and opened up discord. He leaned back in his chair and smiled. He felt… weightless. 

For so many years he’d been so focused on keeping himself hidden, keeping himself anonymous. But now, everyone knew. Everybody knew what he looked like, and surprisingly, he was happy about it. He was on good terms with his friends, his fans accepted him. It was an unbelievable relief. His shoulders were finally free of the pressure he had never even known was there.

His eyes drifted back to the screen, then widened when he realised that Luke and Delirious were already in voice chat. He fumbled with his headphones before putting them on and clicking into the chat as well. 

“Hello!” Ryan exclaimed as soon as he connected.

“Hey, Ryan.” Luke said, “I think we’re about ready to start, then?”

“Ohm!” Delirious yelled, his voice sounding far away, “One second!” His words were followed by a clattering noise, then “Alright! Let's get this party started!”

They joined a lobby and made sure everything was set up and recording properly while they waited for more players. Finally, the screen turned to character selection. Their team was starting off as the attackers.

“Chalet!” Ryan exclaimed, “I haven’t seen this one in a while!”

“Hmm!” said Luke, his voice dripping with sarcasm, “I wonder who Delirious might play as!”

“I think I’m gonna be Sledge.” Delirious said, sounding deep in thought.

“No shit, man! That’s literally all you are! Ever!” Luke said, laughing.

Ryan hummed as he looked at the characters. Delirious was Sledge, Cartoonz had chosen Finka, their one teammate was Ela, and the other was still deciding. Ryan shrugged and selected Blitz. 

“Ooh, Ryan over here about to blind some bitches, I see you.” Luke said with approval.

As the time counted down, their last teammate still hadn’t chosen a character.

“Looks like we’ve got a recruit challenge going on here.” Ryan said as they got closer to the last few seconds. 

“Looks like.” Luke agreed.

Ryan leaned in as the seconds ticked away, then exhaled as the clock went to zero, and no character was selected.

“That’s fine,” Delirious said, “he wouldn’t get any kills anyways because I’m gonna kill every damn body! Hahaha! I’m gonna kill them all.”

“You’re gonna- heh- you’re gonna smash their asses with your hammer?” Ryan chuckled.

“Yes! I’m gonna smash all their asses!” Delirious exclaimed.

Luke snorted, “Delirious over here being a sexual predator.” then a moment later, “Fuck! These bastards killt my damn baby!”

“You’d better not be taking my scans, Luke.” Ryan said, squinting.

“Whatcha mean?” Luke said innocently, then “Heheh, gimme all those tasty points. Ooh, there’s a ten!”

Ryan’s drone was also shot, but at least they had managed to find the hostage. They were forced to spectate the last drone which was still outside.

“Oh fuck!” said their teammate, the afk recruit, and the drone started moving. “Shit, I’m a recruit? Sorry, my food just got here.”

He didn’t have time to drive into the house before the timer ran out.

“H2ODe- Heh, yeah right. Imagine that was the actual Delirious. That would be sick.” the same teammate snorted.

“Imagine that!” Ryan laughed, “If only we got to play with the real Delirious instead of this phony!” 

Luke pushed to talk to the whole team and said “Yeah, you’re right, Too bad it’s only a fake. Maybe one day we’ll meet a real YouTuber.”

There was moment of silence as the teammate’s brain processed the situation. They started running off to the building, but one of the enemies spawn peeked and managed to take down Ela before she even got into the building.

“No way.” said the recruit, “Oh fuck! Is that actually them?”

Ryan smirked as he entered on the ground floor, clearing rooms as he made his way towards the stairs. 

“Uh!” Delirious exclaimed, “Fuck this door! I’m breaking every damn thing!

“Yeah! Fuck that door in particular!” Luke said with a laugh.

As he was rounding a corner, he spotted an enemy holding an angle in the back of the room. Unfortunately for him, it was the wrong angle. Ryan ran up and blinded him before gunning him down.

“Got one.” Ryan muttered, with a smirk. 

“Haha, fuck you!” Delirious said as he took his first kill, then a couple of seconds later he pushed to talk “Help! Help me, I’m damn- I’m fucked! Two by me! Two by me!”

Ryan glanced up and noticed Delirious had half health. He winced, “Delirious, I’m not near you, but I’m trying to rotate around as fast as I can! I think I can get a flank.” 

“I can’t do shit, I’m holding this angle.” Luke mumbled.

Their teammate let out a high pitched squeak. “Oh my god it’s actually them!” he said, then louder “I’m gonna come help!” 

“Careful!” Delirious told him, “He’s on the stairs right above you!” 

Ryan was just by the door to the kitchen, and saw Delirious trapped, hiding in the plants in the small room between the dining room and the main entrance room. His eyes darted around to the various hiding spots in search of the enemy, then noticed Caviera in the corner by the window, gun locked on the doorway. 

Ryan smirked. 

“Delirious,” Ryan whispered, sneaking through the kitchen, “Prepare to be saved.”

Ryan sprinted the few meters from the kitchen door past the dining table to where Caviera was crouched against the wall. She swung her gun around and fired a few futile shots that bounced helplessly off the metal of Ryan’s shield, and Ryan was upon her. He meleed, clonking her right between the eyes.

“Got ‘em!” he exclaimed.

A few moments later, the kill feed showed that the recruit had killed the one on the stairs as well.

“Yes! I’m free! I got the assist too!” Delirious exclaimed.

Ryan pushed back the way he came to the staircase and started creeping up, making his way to the objective. He winced as the recruit was gunned down over by the other stairs, but Luke picked off the enemy that had killed him soon after. Ryan was right outside of the hostage room, and he knew the last enemy would be in there.

Luke went to the other doorway and peeked once, then again and fired some shots, but unfortunately was dead before he could secure the kill.

“That’s some bullshit!” Luke growled, “I hit that motherfucker so many got damn ti- oh. Oh fuck, that was Doc. Fuckin’ boosted himself like a summa bitch. He’s low as fuck now though, he ate so many bullets. Man, I’m pissed. Motherfucker didn’t even know where I was.”

Ryan saw his chance, aimed his gun at the wall, and pre fired with his P12 as he peeked around the corner. His bullets hit the last Doc square in the face, and he fell to the floor as Ryan slipped back behind cover. 

Ryan whooped as the ‘Round won’ appeared on screen, stepping back around the wall and shooting the hostage in celebration.

“Who’s a fake Youtuber now?” he said to their teammate, laughing maniacally.

They played a couple more games, winning and losing, before they stopped their recordings. Ryan was ecstatic. He’d finally gotten in some game time with his friends, and he’d gotten enough footage for two videos. It was like things were back to normal.

“So, uh,” Delirious said through Discord, “I notice that you guys are calling each other by your first names now? I mean, I noticed as soon as you guys got back from LA, but… I don’t know. Should I be… should I be calling you by your first names? I only ever call Luke ‘Luke’ when we aren’t recording.”

Ryan raised his eyebrows. He’d not even noticed, but looking back, while they were Luke and Ryan to each other, they were Ohm and Cartoonz to Delirious.

“Shieeeeet,” Luke said, “If I’m honest, I never even thought about that.”

“Well, in most of our videos different people call each other by different things. I think the fans can figure out that ‘Ohm’ and ‘Ryan’ are the same guy same way as everyone else, right? I mean it might take some getting used to, for them, but it should be fine if you still call us by our aliases.” Ryan said, thinking aloud.

“It’s not like I have a problem calling you guys by your names!” Delirious said, “I just… I’ve always called you Ohm. I don’t wanna start calling you your real name all of a sudden without asking you first. That would be rude, or something.”

Ryan blinked. Delirious felt like he wasn’t allowed to call him Ryan? “Dude, you don’t even need to ask! Of course you can call me Ryan! You can call me whatever you want, man. You don’t need to worry about things like that.”

Delirious was quiet for a bit. “I- I know! It’s just… I know I wouldn’t be the most comfortable if someone just started using my real name in videos. So I thought I’d better not, y’know?”

“Look man, if you’re asking me for permission, the answer is yes. You can call me Ryan, or Ohm, or whatever.” Ryan said seriously, “Just don’t call me late to dinner.”

Ryan held back a snort at his own joke, then coughed and cleared his throat when it didn’t land.

“What about you, Delirious? Would you like me to call you by your first name?” Ryan asked. 

“Uh, I-I don’t...” Delirious paused, getting his thoughts in order, “I understand that you’re being more open with everyone now, and that’s great! That’s awesome for you if that makes you happy. I just- I don- I don’t think I’m ready to do that. I don't know if I’ll ever be ready for that.” 

“We can still be Ohm, Delirious and Cartoonz if you want. It wouldn’t bother me.” Ryan said, understanding Delirious’s position.

“That’s not what I-” Delirious trailed off, “You can call me Jonathan. Or John, if you want, but I’d prefer you still call me Delirious in videos. I get that it might be stupid, they already know my name, but I don’t want them to start thinking of me as anybody other than Delirious. It’s fine if you guys know me as John. As long as you don’t get confused with Kryoz.”

“Okay, Jonathan.” Ryan said, testing out the name, “John, old Johnny boy.”

“Hello! My name is Luke, and I like drinking coffee.” Luke said, introducing himself like in he’s in kindergarten, “You’re turn.”

“My name is Jonathan, and I like teddy bears.” Jonathan said, playing along seamlessly.

“My name is Ryan, and I like spending time with my friends.” Ryan smiled.

“I thought for sure you were gonna say you like squeezing your weiner.” Luke said.

“Yeah, that or eating ass!” Delirious added.

“Fuck you guys!” Ryan laughed.

“Welp. Now that that’s all sorted out, I’m gonna go take a piss.” Luke said.

They spent the next few hours just talking while Ryan edited his footage. Not recording themselves or playing any games, just hanging out and enjoying each other’s company. It was nice to just have an open conversation, not worried about how funny you were or what information you need to keep from the public.

At around one in the morning, after he uploaded the video he’d just edited, Ryan shut off his computer. He cleaned up the remains of the pizza he had ordered in for dinner, and got ready for bed. Under the covers, with the fan buzzing on the ceiling and Buddy curled up at his feet, Ryan closed his eyes. 

His mind was free of all his worries of going to E3, his fear of seeing his friends, his fear of showing himself. All the weight was gone, and his mind was then free of any thought at all. He slept dreamlessly until morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHH! That took so long ;_; I'm sorry.
> 
> Excuses: I've been very busy with school and working on art and in general I've had a lack of inspiration to write this. For the past like two and a half months I've been writing just a tiny bit every couple of days. Very slow going. It probably helps that I don't know how to end things.
> 
> So yeah. I know there's a lot that could be better throughout this story, but if I kept fixing the issues I'd never finish it. This way at least I have something I can say I've finished. 
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed this story if you've decided to read this far :D Idk if I'm going to write anything else, but it's a skill I'd like to work on.
> 
> Though I probably wont make any major changes, I would love some feedback or edits I missed to improve my writing in the future.
> 
> Thank you :)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first actual fanfiction so it might not be the best or most original out there. This is more of a test run for me to learn how to build a story for any writing I want to do in the future. I'm a big fan of all these guys on youtube (and their other friends, but writing even this many characters is difficult for me at my current level) so I hope this story does them justice. I'd be super happy to hear any feedback on how to improve the story, negative or positive (also any edits I may have missed). Thank you.


End file.
